#I feel like I make a post like this every couple of years but I always see that shit pop up sporadically

[cozylittleartblog]

idk if I've said it before, but your portrayals of both Rouxls and Queen are among my favorites, and the way they are when you combine the two is the sole thing that got me to say "yes" to queenkaard. When I first saw it in the game and it started catching on as a ship, I was like "nooo I hc him as gay," but then after seeing your stuff I was like "oh nvm I totally see this now."

i think hearing "i didn't see this ship before, but after your art i understand it and/or even ship it myself" is one of the nicest compliments i get, because it makes me feel like i'm representing something meaningful and sweet about a pairing and having people understand what i think is so great and captivating about them. i've gotten a couple asks like this and sometimes i forget to respond but i always really appreciate them :) thank you very much

[hyolks]

Hi everyone!! Here's the prompt list, a whole two months early!! :D 

Fmabruary is something I did this past February as a challenge to myself to draw something everyday, and FMA was a theme voted on by my followers! I was a little cruel to myself by trying to make a piece within a whole day, start to finish, with just whatever idea I came up with whenever I sat down to draw-- it really dragged by the end of the month... but this year, it's different! Armed with a prompt list and now two months to prep, I also invite you to join me!!! :D

Although I plan on doing every single day with a finished piece, feel free to do literally whatever you want!! A couple of days, a couple of sketches, out of order, any medium... literally anything. You can ignore the prompts too!! Let's just make February 2025 a month of FMA appreciation :3 

There are no rules for participating!! All I ask is that you tag any posts with #fmabruary2025 so that we can all see each other's art!! 

Let me know if you have any questions!! And, since I know it's coming: Halcyon means "a period of time in the past that was idyllically happy and peaceful"! Sorry to drop a vocab word on the prompt list...!! I liked it too much to sub it out @_@

Good luck y'all!!! Let's have fun in February!! :')

[stacygetsit]

Just some thoughts

I wanted to share some of what's been on my mind. Some of you may have come across my ask before I am Calm theory anon. And I have always voiced my opinions on anon ask on others blogs. It was where I was the most comfortable. Well I decided today that I was going to put some of the calm and realistic thoughts out there on my own blog. See I am a Lukola shipper for those that don't know me. Now I am a recent shipper. I have never shipped anyone in my life. Never watched Bridgerton at all. Yet here I am devoting hours to them. One of my thoughts recently was I truly believe that Luke and Nic are in a relationship. I understand that people need more hard-core proof of a relationship between them before they believe. But what mind boggles me is that they believe that Nic is dating JD just because they held some hands and visited places together. And funny how we have the same situation with Luke and the girl (i won't ever name her) all we have seen was them going places and a weak hand hold. None of this is actual concrete proof that they are more than friends. I find it really funny that all of the photos beside Lukes new year eve kiss in January we don't actually have any recent proof of any of these couples kissing or having any type of PDA. How can that be when fans and paps have caught them out? Why haven't we seen any PDA? Another thing that's been on my mind is Nicola. I read that she was on a podcast during Covid and stated that she lived with her last boyfriend. How is it that she was able to fully live with a human and no one knew about him? Yes, she wasn't as worldly popular but she still had a following from Derry girls. How is it that she kept even now to this day the guy from being found out? She makes it clear who her friends are. We also know who her family is. Yet we didn't know who she was dating. Y'all she lived with him and we knew nothing. So if her natural habit is to keep her relationships private would she post her man all over the place? I know the other side argues that she's more widely known now and she can't keep her private life secret. Yet she still has kept who her last boyfriend was a secret. yet the masses would like us to believe that she's with JD. I'm sorry I just feel like that's too far away from what she's comfortable with which is keeping her relationship on the low. That's just taking just Nic past habits into account. That's too far away from her natural habits. We know that during the world tour we found out some key things. We know that Nic and Luke hang out outside of work. They said it in an interview. We also know that he gave her something that she cherishes. Because they said it in an interview. My point is that we wouldn't know any of that if they didn't say it an in interviews. So it blows my mind that people think that they have this couple all figured out and they're so dead set that they're with other people. You're basing your opinions on assumptions and calling them a fact. It would be different if they officially launched to the world I think a lot of people to respect Nick and Luke and whomever they wanted but we haven't gotten that. So it's really possible that those of us that people call delusional are correct. We don't know these people. We can only go based on what we know. I want to preface by saying that I will always say I think not I know Or act like what I think is a fact I'm not like those creators. Part of me understands why Luke and Nick are so secretive. I understand that they want to keep their private life private. And I can respect that but the reality is they're celebrities now. Every career comes with a sacrifice and that's their sacrifice. But are they really keeping it a secret? If you Look hard enough you see they leave hints they are together.

[faebled-stories]

Kinkvember Is Over, and I’m a Mess (In the Best Way)

I don’t even know how to start this because I’m literally crying as I write 😭. Finishing Kinkvember feels so bittersweet because this was just supposed to be a fun writing challenge. But it became so much more.

When I started this month, I had 500 followers. That alone felt wild to me, like, how are there 500 people who care enough to follow this little corner of the internet? And now? I’m sitting here with 1,700+ followers and counting, and I honestly can’t wrap my head around it 🤯. The amount of love, support, and connection I’ve felt this past month has been overwhelming in the most beautiful way.

Every fic I posted got so much love—comments, reblogs, DMs, and just… everything. It’s insane. INSANE. You all made me feel seen, appreciated, and so motivated to keep pushing even when I was tired or doubting myself. Every time I logged on and saw your reactions, it felt like a warm hug 🤗, and I’ll never be able to thank you enough for that.

To my OGs who’ve been here since the beginning, thank you for sticking with me through this entire chaotic journey. You’ve been my rock 💪, hyping me up when I wasn’t sure if I could keep going. And to all of you who joined somewhere along the way, thank you for giving me a chance. You have no idea how much it means to me that you’d choose to spend even a small part of your day reading something I wrote.

This month wasn’t easy—balancing life, school, writing, and everything else was definitely a challenge—but every late night, every moment of doubt, every second I spent staring at my screen thinking, “Can I even pull this off?” was worth it. Because I got to share it with all of you.

And now that Kinkvember is officially over, I want to let you know that I have all your Q&A questions saved. I’ll be answering them in a couple of days, I promise! If anyone has any last-minute questions or things you want to say, my inbox is still wide open, so don’t be shy 💌.

This past month has been such an emotional, life-changing experience, and I’m so grateful for each and every one of you. Thank you for sticking with me, for cheering me on, for letting me be a part of your day, and for making this space feel like home 🏡.

I’m a mess, but I’m also so, so happy. Thank you for everything. You’ve made this girl’s heart so full .

That being said, I’ve decided to take a break now that Kinkvember is over. I honestly don’t know how long I’ll be gone—probably until the start of next year. I really need some time to recharge and step away for a bit after this whirlwind month, but I’ll definitely be back.

Love you all so so so much, Fae 💖💖💖💖💖

[asher-agere]

For the ask game:

🦄🎡🔥🌷 :3

No pressure to answer any of them! I wish you a lovely time zone ^^

YAY ASK GAME. Also “I wish you a lovely time zone” is my new favorite way of saying that-

🦄 - What animal do you have the most plushies of?

Last time I was asked this I just guessed- But this time is for real! The winner is… My cat plushies! I have 10.5 (One is half unicorn…). I thought dogs would win cause of my Cinnamoroll obsession but I only have 8 :0

🎡 - What’s something nostalgic you do when regressed?

Honestly a lot of regression for me is about making a new childhood rather than reliving my own! Howeverrrr I’ve always loved to play with Legos! My dad loved Legos hehe so I’ve been playing with them since like birth

🔥 - Babble about someone you really love!

Hehehe… My time has come…

@sasha-romeave IS THE BEST CAREGIVER AND LITTLE BABY AND SHE’S SO MUCH FUN AND SO AMAZING AND I LOVE THEM SO SO MUCH. SHE DESERVES ALL OF MY LOVE EVER

@babyniigo BEST BIG SIS EVER. GENUINELY MY FAVORITE BLOG EVER AND THE FIRST PERSON I FOLLOWED (Not counting my friends who helped me learn to use tumblr-)

@twinypwupy BEST SIBBY EVER. I’m not in the fandom they post for a lot, which is sad BUT THEIR POSTS ALWAYS LOOK SO SO PRETTY AND THEY’RE SOO MUCH FUN TO TALK TO GUYS

@sunny-silly AHH SUNNY. LOVE YOU SO MUCH. THEY ARE SO SO FUN TO TALK TO. I LOVE GETTING TO SHARE MY IDEAS ABOUT CHARACTERS NOT MANY PEOPLE KNOW, AND SUNNY CAN ADD TO MY IDEAS. AND LIKES MY IDEAS. AND WE SEEM TO ENJOY SIMILAR THINGS AND IT MAKES THEM SO SO AMAZING TO TALK TO

@starb4byy MY NEW RP PARTNER. THEY WRITE SUCH BEAUTIFUL AMAZING WONDERFUL WORDS AND THEY’RE SO SO CONSIDERATE AND GIVE THE BEST COMPLIMENTS

🌷 - When/why did you start regressing?

I started regressing around 2 years ago! Give or take a couple months. I started regressing because I realized. Hey! I remember like 10% of my childhood! And I feel miserable! What if I just. Y’know. Tried again? Then I’ve been hooked! I did stop for like 6 months after losing a caregiver though, definitely a low point-

YAY I FINALLY GOT TO BABBLE ABOUT PEOPLE I LOVE. I love each and every one of you! Those 5 are just like the ones I interact with most, they’re in no specific order, except for my caregiver who’s obviously in first place! Sorry guys but no competition there

[swifty-fox]

the heart is a muscle

a clegan christmas fic (wip)

“You were gonna hop all over the moon, risk life and limb and all that, but you won’t let go of the wall at a skating rink?”

“Bucky,” Gale warns. 

John swoops in another loop, gesturing over his shoulder with a mitten covered thumb, “I can go get you one of the kiddie sleds for balance.”

He’s smiling, crooked and bright in the dim lamplight, and there’s no snow but it’s in the air with crisp promise, breath clouding in front of John’s mouth and bits of frost beginning to cling to the whiskers of his mustache. Slowly, he drops his thumb and reaches out his hand again.

“Come on. Won’t let you crash, Gale.” 

His hand is warm, even through the wool of both their mittens, fingers just as long and elegant as Gale’s, but with an extra thickness to them. They wrap around Gale’s loosely, just enough to steady his faint wobble as he pushes away from the wall and out into open ice. John skating backward and Gale re-finding his rhythm with every push off of his legs. And he’s going to be sore tomorrow, he can already feel it somewhere in his hips, but they’re picking up a bit of speed now and when John laughs Gale lets out a breath of his own that he thinks might pass as a chuckle as well. 

John’s face flushes in the cold, perfect right on the apple of the cheeks, and the tip of his nose, both right like cherries. 

“I think I’ve got it,” Gale tells him, tugging his hand from John’s grip gently.

He lets Gale go easily, dropping his hands to his sides and spinning round to skate at Gae’s side, keeping pace with him on far for practiced feet. 

“Told you,” He teases, “Just like riding a bike.” 

“Riding a bike ain’t half so deadly,” Gale smiles, turning his head to the other side so John won’t see. 

“Nuh-uh,” he taps his nose, right across the bump of it, “Busted my beak riding my bike for the first time.”

“That why it so crooked?”

“Hockey fight. Wasn’t supposed to be fightin’ in the minors but they were being rough with our guys.”

“White Knight Bucky, to the rescue?” Gale muses, eyes fixed on the ice in front of him. It’s still clear enough he can see his reflection, hat low on his head and scarf tight around his neck. 

Shrugging his shoulders with fake modesty, John once again pivots to skating backwards and Gale considers tripping him just for the ego check, “More just a big ol’ goon with a decent right hook.” 

“Nah,” Gale disagrees, “You don’t strike me as a half-ass sorta guy.”

John smiles, something small and pleased. Shrugs once again, this time far more sincere with it, “I got an assist here and there.” 

Gale leans his weight to the side, just enough to veer into John and bump his shoulder lightly. Overcorrects on the pullaway until John reaches out to grab his hand. His hands are still warm, and the temperature is only dropping, so Gale lets the touch linger as they skate. Every now and then John’s thumb brushes absently over the back of Gale’s palm. Calloused, dry and a little bit chapped, either from the cold or working with wet flower stems all day, it rasps over Gale’s skin pleasantly. Marge had had warm hands too, always slightly sweet smelling from the soap she bought and the perfume she rubbed on her wrists. 

John smells like cigarettes and cologne and just a bit like dirt, always lingering around the edges like it had sunk right into his pores. 

“So where’d you go after Wyoming?” 

“Texas,” Gale says, watching the light twinkle in the trees. White ones, like John preferred, “Then Utah for a bit, even England for a couple years.” 

“I spent my whole life in Wisconsin,” John admits, “Always swore to my Ma I’d move to New York City and become a baseball player.”

“This was after the Truck Driver dream ended?” 

John huffs, looking down at the ice so Gale only sees the sharp edge of his smile, “Yeah, post Truck Driver.” 

It’s a little more crowded now, and John skates closer to Gale to make room for another couple, laughing and spinning around the ice. He watches them for a moment, a faint smile on his face, burned a soft orange by the floodlights above the rink. 

“So why didn’t you ever go to New York?”

John wets his lips in a movement Gale can’t help but notice, tongue pink and moist and bottom lip wide and soft-looking, “Opened a flower shop instead.”

[winniethewife]

Thanksgiving Pre-Dinner

(Abel Morales X F!reader X Anna Morales )

Warnings: Oral sex (f!reciving), Almost caught, Threesome, Reader is wearing a skirt, breast play

A/N: You have this post to thank for this

Words: 810

You had shown up to your boss’s house early that Thursday, you had volunteered to help them make a thanksgiving dinner for a company party at their home. You had worked as an assistant in the office for a little over a year and had become a favorite of the couple you work for, but you were unaware to what extent. When Anna opened the door and ushered you inside her hand had lingered on your hip for a moment when she took your coat to hang up, when you had walked into the living room where Abel was reading the newspaper he had looked up and smiled, standing to embrace you, and you felt him take a deep breath in as you had briefly leaned your head on his chest.

You spent the day helping however you could, stirring different dishes, checking the temperature of the food in the oven, carrying plates into the dining room to set the table, it seemed that at every opportunity one of your two bosses had their hands on you. Anna leaning against you as she reaches past you to turn up the temperature of the stove, Abel taking the plates from your hands, letting his fingers graze over yours. You could tell something was going on here.  

As you helped set the table, you felt a hand under the skirt of your dress, surprised you turn to face Abel, his eyes dark with desire.

“I…Y-your wife…” you stutter, not fully formulating at thought as Abel presses himself against you, backing you up to the table, your ass against the hard wooden table, the table cloth and nice china still sat on the table to the side of you.

“Oh she knows.” He said softly as he caresses your hips lifting you carefully onto the table, kneeling between your thighs, his hands running along your inner thighs, his dark brown eyes gazing up at you from between your legs. “If you don’t want this…Just say so, we can stop.” He muttered, his voice low and sultry.

“No! I mean, I want this...” You blurt out, Abel laughs, and you felt your breath hitch in your chest as he pushed your legs apart, his hands creeping up closer to your core. Just then Anna walked into the dining room with a plate filled with dinner rolls, you were almost sure that you were about to be fired and thrown out of their home, but the blonde woman smiles at the sight of her husband kneeling in front of you.

“Well, well it looks like you got started without me.” She chuckles, putting the plate of roles to the side before walking around the table to the other side, reaching for your shoulders, guiding you to lay down in front of her. As Abel works on pulling off your underwear, Anna starts to unbutton your shirt, dragging her nails over your skin leaving a tingling sensation in her wake. You had barely a second to process the feeling of her hands finding their way into your bra when you felt Abel’s tongue slide through the folds of your cunt, you gasp, the sensation was heavenly, his nails digging into the meat of your thighs as his tongue worked in rhythm with her fingers rolling your nipples gently between them, her lips on your neck. It was almost too much. You felt the building of pleasure in you faster than you wanted, you wanted this to last, to feel the two of them working to push you to the edge, this was-

“Holy Fuckin- ngh…” You groaned as you felt your mind wiped clean like clearing a voicemail machine, your orgasm washing over your body as you arched your back up and away from the table. Before you have a chance to reconfigure your mind there was a knocking on the door. all three of you were all startled, but the other two were quicker than you, Able stood, nodded at his wife with a smirk on his face.

“We’ll finish this…after dinner.” He said smiling at you gently squeezing your knee before going to attend to the guests. Anna Helped you sit up get your shirt back on and guided you to the bathroom to give you a moment to sort yourself out.

“Let me know if you need anything, we’ll be waiting for you.” She told you as she caressed your cheek and pressed a soft kiss to your lips before leaving, closing the door behind her. The rest of the evening is filled with shared glances filled with a particular heat, occasional touches that set your body on fire. When finally the last guest left, Anna had sat next to you on the couch, Abel returned, his dark eyes landed on the two of you, a grin on his face.

“Now…Where were we?”

~

masterlist

Tag list: @silvernight-m @queerponcho @boredzillenial @faretheeoscar @ominoose

[begrudging-fudanshi]

So i stared reading windbreaker after i saw your post about it , it's wholesome manga with amazing fights

in your opinion Why didn't nii satoru reveal Sakura's past until now ? Why was Sakura alone ?

Hell yeah. Welcome to the fandom. I'm glad my propaganda has been working.

To be honest, I've been thinking about this series way too much over the last couple weeks, so this is probably going to be A Lot. I am dumping a lot of accumulated thoughts in here and simultaneously trying to keep a bunch of other thoughts from cluttering it up. If any of this feels disjointed, it's because I've been trying (I swear) to not make this like 10,000 words long lmao.

(CW: Wind Breaker manga spoilers + discussion of child neglect, trauma, feelings of worthlessness, parental loss, grief, and a suicide attempt in the context of the series. Hope you're ready for some pain.)

I'm going to answer your questions in reverse order, because I think they're actually very closely connected.

Sadly, my read on Sakura's past is really dark. Based on what we know so far, there's a lot to suggest that Sakura has been badly neglected for a long time, both physically and emotionally. Based on his lifestyle and the way he talks about himself, I really struggle to believe that he's received any genuine affection or care in many years, if ever. (I'm so glad he was able to go to Furin.)

The flashbacks at the start of episode 1 of the anime suggest he was taken in by relatives who didn't want him, and I think they basically set him up for failure in every way. They seem to have done the bare minimum required of them by the law, like sending him to school, but I can see no evidence that they did much of anything else. Like, what kind of asshole sends a 15-year-old kid to live alone in a barren apartment with literally nothing to wear except his school uniform? Caring people wouldn't let a kid live like that. (That said, I have a bad feeling that his lifestyle seen in chapter 56 is an upgrade compared to what he had before.)

Given this, it's clear Sakura really means it when he says he's always done things by himself. I think this is why he looks so torn up when his friends show him real kindness and why he's so sensitive to anyone showing affection. I also think this means that he really wants to forget his past. This is a big part of why we haven't seen it revealed yet: Sakura isn't ready to revisit it, himself.

---

Something interesting about Wind Breaker's backstories is that they all (as far as I and my notes can remember) follow a consistent pattern. They're not just lore dumps that tell us about the character's past. They actually follow each character through a process of changing their beliefs about themselves, often based on their view of the past. This is why they're all in the first person. Some of these changes happen in the present while others are part of flashbacks, but either way the process is basically the same.

In each backstory, the character starts out believing something about themselves that gives rise to a contradiction that keeps them trapped. This belief somehow keeps them from living their best life and, often, stops them from changing their ways to make their best life possible. However, someone else helps them challenge that belief, giving rise to a revelation that lets them change how they see themselves. This change enables them to see new possibilities and lets them move forward towards the life they want.

For example:

Umemiya believed his parents would blame him for their deaths, so he couldn't let himself grieve them nor believe that he deserved to live. His guilt blocked out his memory of the event, keeping him from remembering what really happened. However, a nameless(?) Furin student and Shitara helped him realize that his parents saved him and were happy to see him survive. Thus, he was able to grieve and imagine a future for himself other than his self-destruction.

Kaji believed that his rage was uncontrollable and couldn't even see himself as human. Hiragi helped him realize that he could manage his triggers and change his behavior to be able to find acceptance and live his life.

Tsubaki believed that she couldn't like pretty things or express herself how she wanted. Ito and Yui helped her learn to dress up and present herself the way she liked, allowing her to accept herself and transition. (I know she's not canonically transgender but that's still the best way I can see to describe it.)

After Yui's death, Ito believed that she might never have truly loved him. Tsubaki, Sakura, Suo, and Nirei help him realize the secret meaning of the tree that she planted in his garden, letting him live his life without worrying if she was truly happy.

What's important here is that the character must be ready to have their beliefs about themselves challenged so they can understand their full truth. Otherwise, their story of their past would be incomplete. (Consider what Umemiya's backstory would have sounded like if he still believed he was a murderer.) In fact, we already have an example of this that I'll get to, next.

Because Sakura isn't yet in a position to challenge the beliefs holding him back, he can't reveal his past, either. He has friends helping him, but it's going to be a while before they've truly shaken his most unhelpful beliefs.

---

That said, this process has actually played out with Sakura once before and I think it tells us a lot. It shows us exactly why he's not ready to reveal his past.

In chapter 1, Sakura starts out believing that he's meant to always be alone, leading him to initially reject the people of Makochi. Then, Kotoha helps him acknowledge that he does want to be accepted and convinces him to give it a shot. However, while this is great progress and very necessary for Sakura's growth, this isn't a complete resolution. He still has an even more deep-seated belief that has to be addressed.

In addition to asserting that he's meant to be alone, Sakura also lays out another belief in chapter 1 that I argue really gets to the root of his deepest trauma. He doesn't quite say it explicitly, but it underpins both his belief that he's meant to be alone and that he's worth nothing but his fists.

The closest he comes to naming it is when he describes Furin. He says it's "The lowest of the low, hated by all others, worth nothing but their fists … It's a battle to determine the trashiest of the trash. That suits me perfectly."

I have to admit, the first few times I heard and read this, I completely missed how fucked up it is for a 15-year-old kid to say this about himself. I think I've gotten so used to taking shonen protagonists' confident declarations at face value that I just didn't question it, in the same way I've learned not to question, say, 12-year-old Gon deciding to become a pro hunter and travel the world fighting adults. The way it's presented very deliberately (and, I think, cleverly) blunts the impact as well, making use of shonen stylistic conventions to disguise it as stereotypical shonen protagonist bluster. This mirrors how Sakura masks his deeper feelings about himself.

However, as I read through the rest of the manga, it became clear that this is what Sakura actually, deeply believes. He's 15 years old and he truly sees himself as trash—in other words, worthless. The only way he can imagine finding worth in himself is through his strength. Even then, this is only for Sakura himself. He can't let himself imagine anyone else ever valuing him for any reason, so he must find self-worth all on his own. To put it more sharply, he can't imagine deserving unconditional love. Based on what little we do know about his past, this belief stems from a lifetime of emotional neglect.

The thing is, Sakura's belief that he's worthless is actually, paradoxically, a coping mechanism. As horrible as it is, it helps him rationalize his life in a way that lets him keep living despite his neglect and isolation. If he's truly worthless, then he's never had a reason to expect being loved or accepted by anyone—he's always been meant to be alone. This is how he can tell himself that he doesn't care and has given up. This lets him bury the pain of his isolation and pretend it doesn't truly hurt. By believing that he has always been worthless and unable to be (to deserve being) loved, he has had no reason to get his hopes up for the future, nor any reason to question why he's been treated so badly in the past. He can accept it (has to accept it), even if he hates it, because it was always inevitable.

Notice how Sakura reminds himself that he's given up right before punching the Spaltips' leader in chapter 1. This is the story he tells himself to contain the hurt. He does something similar in chapter 56, reminding himself that he's supposed to be alone as he grapples with his friends' kindness. He bludgeons himself with this reminder as a way to push away thoughts about his past. He then shifts his focus to thinking about his growing care for his friends rather than his feelings about himself. Once again, Sakura makes himself turn away.

The trouble is, this belief is his only means of holding back an unfathomable amount of pain inside of him. It's the only way he knows how to live with all the myriad ways he's been treated like shit. To doubt his own worthlessness, therefore, is to expose himself to overwhelming grief. Because, if he isn't worthless, he then has to ask himself why he had to suffer for so long. That kind of question is too awful for him—for pretty much anyone—to face on their own. This coping mechanism protects him, but it also traps him and prevents him from finding relief.

This comes to a head in chapter 1, as the townspeople surround him and the old woman tries to tend to his wound. As she reaches towards him, he screams at her to stay away. This act of genuine kindness fills him with terror. It's not just that he fears eventual rejection—Sakura fears the idea he could be accepted at all. Remember, he's just "failed" to win the fight and, worse, ended up having to be protected because he got hurt. Sakura could accept Kotoha's kindness earlier because he "earned" it by stopping her attackers, but now there's someone trying to help him for what feels like no reason. For Sakura, who must believe that he was never meant to be loved or accepted, being shown kindness for no apparent reason feels like an existential threat. It threatens to undermine the walls that he's built inside of him to keep going. This is why he allows Kotoha to help him instead—he can still rationalize her help as transactional.

This rationalization provides his means of escape. To accept his place in Makochi, he only has to accept that he doesn't have to be alone. He doesn't have to believe that he can be valued or loved unconditionally, nor that he deserved anything better. Instead, Sakura finds a way to "earn" his acceptance: The chapter culminates with Sakura accepting Bofurin, which he shows by leaping over all the others to kick the Spaltips' leader in the face.

By showing his strength, by upstaging the heroes and claiming his place among them, Sakura proves (to himself) that he is strong enough to be accepted. Rather than accept that he could always have been valued and accepted unconditionally—that he always could have been loved—Sakura would rather believe he's earned his acceptance based on his strength.

In this way, Sakura can continue to believe in his own worthlessness, saving himself from having to face his past. Because of this, even as he's learned that he can be accepted, he still maintained his belief that he was meant to be alone from the start (again, see chapter 56). This lets him continue to justify his past suffering and minimize his own pain.

This comes back around in chapter 162, when Sakura's classmates talk about his low self-esteem. Despite their efforts to show him that he's loved and valued, Sakura ultimately still believes he's only worth his strength. We see how he rejects Umemiya's praise, unable to understand how he could be praised when he "failed". Sakura can't believe he could be valued when he couldn't even single-handedly save the town.

But, as long as he believes this, his past will remain a mystery, not just to his friends and to us as readers, but even to Sakura himself. Just as Umemiya's repression kept him from realizing that his parents loved him, Sakura's repression keeps him from realizing that he has always deserved to be loved. He cannot acknowledge, can't even recognize, the pain he's endured in his life, because he still has to believe it didn't matter. Because of this, he can't let himself grieve or admit that he has always deserved better. He's still trapped believing he must always prove his worth through his strength alone.

Of course, changing this isn't going to be easy. He will get there. His friends will help him through it. Still, it's going to be rough. I think it'll be a while yet before he's ready to tell us about his past.

---

Addendum

All of that being said, something I really love about Wind Breaker is how hopeful it is and the way it shows Sakura living despite his past. To that end, I want to note one last thing: Sakura can still smile, despite everything else. No matter what he tells himself, he still feels hope.

I mentioned above that I didn't recognize Sakura's low self-esteem at first because it's masked with stereotypical shonen protagonist confidence. I think this is very deliberate by the author. We're supposed to see Sakura as cool, confident, and badass in the beginning, only to realize that he's also hurting inside. (Emphasis: that's also, not instead. These aren't mutually exclusive.) Sakura's cocky grin is part of a mask he wears, but it's not a lie.

While I believe Sakura has suffered a lot, it's important to emphasize that he's not broken or doomed to drown in grief. What I've laid out here is what I believe is going on beneath the surface, and I do believe he's going to have to face his trauma eventually, but let's not forget that our boy can still smile after all of that. The fact that he can smile doesn't mean that he's not hurting, but the fact that he's hurting doesn't mean he only feels pain. Let's not do him dirty by miring our view of him in grief. Instead, as we acknowledge how much he's suffered, let's also be happy at just how far he's come and hopeful for how far he'll go in the future.

[oh-gh0st]

hiii i come bearing more art ^_^

mostly shadowpeach and mk, then mk with an oc in the last one

[warmsol]

i did something crazy (actually played the sims)

[monstersinthecosmos]

the most rancid drama starters in fandoms are always like "gee i wish this fandom was nicer, why do we have to fight all the time :("

[ratatatastic]

lmaoooo maffhew wanting the knot immediately and having to wait for sasha to catch up with that is so deeply funny like. this omega is not subtle and you’re not a stupid alpha babe! can only imagine what benny has to say to maffhew about it once he catches on and stops banging his head against a wall

idiots to lovers is always great but especially when its two people who would be hitched with 10 kids by now if they stopped being dumb for a single second like its that easy and yet...

to me they very much fall around the same time (infatuation at first scent if you will) just that sasha takes some time to get there not because he's dumb (okay he's a little dumb) but in the sense that its like "this person is very interested in me, i can see and recognise that but theres so much cognitive dissonance in my brain right now between knowing that intrinsically and finding that hard to believe so i unintentionally play dumb because obviously i'm reading too much into things it cant be me they're interested in haha that'd crazy but they're being awfully touchy and flirty with me wow"

but also it takes two to tango and we have to acknowledge that and this is when i would love to bring up the ways in which this man decides is the best way to go about that because he is a catholic school girlie... there's so much hilarity to be had here especially because his flirting is very uh how you say... a little ass backwards if you will especially considering dynamics

"I make it a point to keep the door closed when we're alone in a room together! That's basically a clear invitation that I'm down to fuck!!! Im basically asking to be ragdolled on his knot!!!"

and Benny just pinches the bridge of his nose like "I don't know how to explain to you in a way you'll understand that not everyone went to Catholic school."

But saying that Sasha does side-eye the door knob heavily when Maffhew goes over to close it the first time and he starts sweating like he just got dragged into a game of 7 Minutes in Heaven he did not sign up for and he's 13 again and oh god he got paired with a really cute girl, and he hasn't even had his first real kiss yet and-

And then absolutely nothing happens because Maffhew is just waiting with a polite expectant smile (because his work here is done, he did the heavy lifting know it's Sasha's turn) and this is when Sasha's dynamic classes training kicks in and he basically scolds himself for even assuming in the first place because this is clearly a show of trust (correct) not an invitation for extra circular activities (incorrect buzzer noise) and it basically becomes "This Omega really trusts me, I'm honoured especially as Pack Leader that I'm able to be so accepted into such a private space with the inherent knowledge that I will not encroach their boundaries whatsoever because consent is verbal, this is not in any way an invitation to take advantage of them this is deep platonic trust I will guard with my life :]"

and if you listen closely you can hear the lovely sounds of Maffhew bashing his head into a wall about how much of a gentleman Sasha is but also COME ONNNNNN... you know... once Maffhew realises what's happening which (looks at my watch) is not due for another few months really

Battle of wills: unstoppable force (maffhews catholic school understanding of dynamic interactions) vs immovable object (overseas alpha cotillion classes)

And if you think it's an Oh! An overseas dynamic thing! It's not. The Euros are watching the horrible car crash in front of them and doing absolutely nothing about it because it's none of their business, but they will stare at it... maybe judge it a bit but definitely are observing from the tall grass.

and I'm also not saying that luosty lundy forsy and bobby have a current running bet of how long it'll take for maffhew to break sasha in but i'm also not not saying that... luosty goaded lundy in the midst of a gossip session ("It has to be 3 months, right?) forsy happened to be around so lundy turned to him for advice ("7 months.") and maybeeee bobby overheard from all the way over from his stall and puts in his two cents for what it's worth ("6. Captain nice but not that nice. Very impatient." "So 3!" "No. Impatience makes him double the time, and wait longer. 6 months.") (lundy finally settles on a good 5 months because he's indecisive)

And Sasha does eventually pick up everything maffhew is throwing down... eventually... and when he does it becomes more so I want to court this omega the way they deserve I will take this slow and romance them sweetly :) *smash cut to maffhew caterwauling like a cat in heat*

but also once again its not like maffhew is helping sasha in any way this is idiot4idiot and benny would like to enjoy the car crash with the euros but unfortunately that's his soulmate, thats his bestie, his littermate from birth who has been weaned on the same teat as they climbed over each other to get to it, the first girl you kissed in your childhood bedroom because somehow you started play fighting on the bed because she was like i could totally pin you down easy and then she does and you always noticed how beautiful she was but shes even more gorgeous when she's pinning your wrists to your hannnah montana duvet you promised yourself youd changed out before she came over but you forget and well she teased you about it and you cant help but giggle about how perfect this all is and it seems that the natural conclusion to this is to taste the strawberry lipgloss of her lips because whats a kiss between besties huh its tacky and sticky and it tastes like summer and just other apt metaphors to put here about the inherent -isms of their relationship that i nearly cant put to words properly other than girls having fun (they are fucking)

and well anyways benny is watching and he has a lot of things to say about how its been proceeding so far

"You should really use your words."

"I am!"

"Right because smelling like a fucking perfume shop in the middle of October is using your words."

"This usually works with most Alphas okay!"

"Sasha isn't most Alphas."

"Tell me about it." Matthew grouses before he peeks over to Sam, looking up from beneath his eyelashes—the exact way he knows both endears him to Sam but also absolutely miffs him all the same, "Worked on you, didn't it?"

"Oh, is that what we're doing right now? We're calling getting a lapful of a preening O in preheat in the middle of a roadie a normal way to go about these things."

"It worked didn't it?" Matthew reiterates.

"It would work better if you use—"

"Okay! Alright!! I get it!!!" He does not.

like benny here is unfortunately an active listening participant in the going ons of the fuckery if not because hes involved by proxy because of maffhew because who else will hold his hair back as he calls him a dumb bitch you know

[vimbry]

"likes don't do anything" they do

"there's no algorithm" there is

"well nobody uses the for you tab" I do

"reblog all art and fics you see" there's no thought put into that. if this does work on people, then it's just pity engagement borne out of guilt rather than genuine interest, which is arguably worse than having none, because it's totally hollow.

[agueforts]

me vs eternal grudges abt d20 captions

[bunnyboy-juice]

im ngl i think my favorite headspace to be in is "want to be annoying"

[purpurussy]

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