#I feel like I make a post like this every couple of years but I always see that shit pop up sporadically

[anyroads]

Hello again to one of my favorite posts on Tumblr! Because yes, this, exactly.

I'm going to add onto this post as someone who's spent several years working through trauma with a therapist. Doing so doesn't make me an authority on the subject by any means, but it does mean I've put a lot of thought and study into it alongside someone whose formal training and qualifications make them an excellent resource. And it also means that I have experiences and responses which, while not representative of everyone, are nevertheless worth something, especially to those who believe in elevating voices instead of speaking for people as an act of support.

Trauma is a result of instinctive defensive responses that, put simply, activate your fight and flight response. The brain identifies danger, the frontal cortex begins to go offline, and the amygdala takes over. One of the major effects of this is on memory: when the frontal cortex is online, memories are formed as linear stories with a beginning, middle, and end (this is also why we tell stories this way, because it's literally how our brains save experiences).

Part of a traumatic experience is that since certain brain functions are essentially off, memories aren't stored as memories. It's kind of like if your memory center was a filing cabinet and every memory was a file neatly stored in that cabinet, then trauma is a folder that's left on top of the cabinet or dropped on the floor somewhere nearby. It's still in the folder, ie. you can remember the event and you might remember the beginning, middle, and end, or you might have even taken the pieces and shoved them into that format later to make sense of them. But your brain hasn't put them in the cabinet. They aren't filed under "completed experience." So then every time something happens that triggers that memory, your brain's defense response is to think it's happening again, and it starts going into fight or flight mode. To your brain, that experience isn't over - it's an open folder, and therefore its story can continue at any moment.

This is what the word "triggered" actually means, btw. It means your frontal cortex starts going offline and your amygdala starts taking over, because your brain thought that was the best defensive response at the time of the traumatic experience, so it's relying on using the same response again because if you survived, then it must have been effective, right? It's really hard to tell your brain that it doesn't need to do this, and that triggering an anxiety response isn't helpful. At all. This was a helpful response when we lived in the wilderness and, say, while you're sitting around making arrowheads, you hear a twig snap and then a saber toothed tiger leaps out of the bush and mauls your clan mate to death in front of you. So every time you hear a twig snap, your brain thinks there's a saber toothed tiger coming, and goes into fight or flight mode.

This helped when that adrenaline response meant your reflexes were quicker and you could run faster, and a twig snapping meant there was a good chance something was sneaking up on you. But that's not the case anymore, and your brain is just basically taking innocuous stimuli and translating it as a threat in situations that aren't dangerous and you'd actually be better able to deal with if you didn't have to go through a trigger response. One thing I've learned to do in the last couple of years is to identify what this process feels like in my body physically, catch it early, and do mental exercises that keep my frontal cortex online and avoid having triggered responses. It's been difficult to learn and to carve out these neural pathways, and to understand the whole process. This is hard, complex, grueling stuff.

So yes, OP is 100% correct and words like "trauma" and "triggered" are overused in ways that disrespectful and minimizing to people who actually experience these things. To be traumatized is much more than to be upset. It's to go through an experience that changes your psychological response to certain stimuli or situations. It's not just an unpleasant experience, it's one that leaves mental (and sometimes physical) scars. I'm talking about experiences ranging from, but not limited to, abuse, serious accidents, physical violations, etc. and not seeing a scene in a movie that you didn't like. And hey, we can even give space to things like disturbing content that replays in your brain again and again - I experience this, it's called an intrusive thought, and it's not the same as a traumatic experience.

Stop using the vocabulary of people with legitimate needs to exaggerate your personal discomforts. It's selfish and obnoxious and minimizes the struggles and needs of people who actually experience the things you're stealing the language for.

I'm wondering if, as a society who cares about vulnerable people, we could stop saying "traumatize" when we truly mean "upset"?

I am sick of hearing sad books or movies "traumatize" their readers. I simply do not believe that happens. A traumatic experience might be adjacent to books (I have vivid memories of books I was reading around certain experiences and even how the contents of those books affected my processing of the experiences). But it's not caused by the book. And, y'know. The weather is Christofascist Censorship Attempts outside.

Meanwhile from the other side I continue to be surprised at just how badly people fail to understand trauma and traumatic experiences in general. Watering down the term isn't helping. Find other hyperbole to express that The Bridge to Terebithia gutted you, chewed on your heartstrings, and made you cry your first pair of contact lenses right out of your preteen eyes.

[cressidagrey]

Such A Mystery - Part 9

Pairing: Max Verstappen x Colette Leclerc (Original Character)

Summary:

Max Verstappen fell in love at the ripe old age of 12 and never looked back.

Colette Leclerc really regrets posting that particular Taylor Swift Lyric to her private Instagram account, because it made George Russell go insane.  

The rest of the world has absolutely no idea that the Dutch Lion and Charles Leclerc’s twin sister have been a couple for 15 years and are expecting a baby. 

Warnings: 

Pregnancy, Mention of multiple miscarriages, Pregnancy complications, George Russell Bashing (he's probably really nice in real life but in this, he's the bad guy, sorry), Jos Verstappen, We have apparently now reached the time where I also bash Ferrari. I am sure they are super nice in real life too. They are not in this.

Author Notes: Huge thanks to @llirawolf for holding my hand through this. Chapter 8 of...who knows.

It felt like forever. He knew it wasn't. It must have been minutes until the car door was ripped open and Charles slipped in right next to him.

It wasn’t until the doors were slammed shut behind Charles that Max dared to look at the Monégasque.

His heart skipped a beat at the sight. Charles was still in his racing suit just as him, the suit itself streaked with sweat.

The moment the car door closed, the car started riving.

"Merde," Charles cursed. Max could only agree. "I am sorry, that it took this long."

Max gave a sharp, jerky shake of his head. "You don’t have to apologize," he somehow managed to get the words out. "I’m just..." he trailed off, a shaky exhale escaping him. "How could you make it here so fast?" he asked, casting a quick glance in his friend’s direction.

Charles snorted. "Your press officer had a shouting match with Ferrari's,“ he said simply.

If Max wasn’t so focused on not completely losing it, he might’ve been amused with the mental image. But at the moment, he could only shake his head.

Next to him, Charles let out a sigh. "Are you alright?" he asked quietly.

"No. You?" he gave back.

"I don't have a bad feeling," Charles said quietly. “Not worse than it has been for days at least.”

Twin Telepathy was apparently a thing as far as Charles and Colette were concerned. 

Quite frankly, till this day, it still weirded Max out. They just seemed to know when the other one wasn't feeling well. 95% of the time, they got sick at the same time. They communicated more easily with each other than with anyone else, and regardless of what game they played...they needed to be put on opposite teams, because otherwise nobody had a chance against them.

Max was well aware of Colette and Charles' strange connection. Even if he didn’t fully understand it. They both had some sort of sixth sense when it came to the other one, and it sometimes felt like they were talking in secret code.

"What’s it telling you right now?" he asked, his voice barely above a rough whisper.

Charles turned to him fully at that, and Max saw the way his eyes swept over him, taking in every aspect of his appearance.

Max could only imagine what Charles was seeing. He felt like a walking wreck, and there was no doubt his appearance was mirroring that.

"Colette is in pain," Charles finally said, his voice strangely quiet. "She’s scared."

That answer felt like somebody shoved a knife into Max’s stomach. He inhaled sharply, the breath catching in his throat. “Of course, she is,” he hissed through clenched teeth.

Charles seemed to sense what he was thinking, even without being telepathically connected through whatever the hell Colette and him had going on. The Monégasque reached out and took a firmer hold of his hand, the grip almost crushing.

"Don’t," Charles said firmly, his voice leaving no room for arguments. "Don’t go there. We’re gonna get to her as fast as we can."

There was a brief moment of silence, as Max tried to collect himself. He focused all his attention on the pressure of Charles' hand on his, and somehow, it actually helped.

"I feel so goddamn useless," he finally admitted, his voice rough with emotion. "I want to be with her."

"You want to try calling her before we are in the air?" Charles suggested.

That was not a bad idea, not at all. Max let out a low and slightly shaky exhale, swallowing hard. “Yeah,” he nodded. “Yeah, I…” he had to stop and clear his throat. “Yeah, I’ll try to call her.”

His hands were shaking when he pulled out his phone out of the backpack that somebody had handed off to him, already packed. Regardless of all the drama that had gone on in the RedBull garage during the year… if it really mattered, the people in there pulled off minor miracles.

Within minutes, his entire day - hell, his entire week - had been packed for him, with all the essentials of clothes and everything else he would need.

He had almost forgotten about the phone in his shaking hands, but now he just stared at the screen for a moment. His fingers were trembling so badly that just unlocking the phone was a challenge in itself.

Jimmy and Sassy were on his lockscreen...a picture that Colette had once sent him when he had been away for one of his races...the two of them laying on top of her on their couch...

Every other time Max saw the photo, it made his heart do a little funny jump. Now though, it made his chest ache. It felt like a sharp stabbing pain, and for a moment, he just sat there and stared at the picture.

Then he called her.

It rang. And it rang, and it rang again. With each passing second, that horrible knot in his stomach tightened a little more. With every ring of the bell, it got harder to breathe.

Finally, to Max’s immense and enormous relief, the line connected.

"Hey, Maxie. I put you on speaker," Victoria's voice came over the phone, sounding surprisingly calm.

A shiver of something resembling dread ran through Max, at the sound of Victoria’s voice. But he pushed past the feeling.

His thoughts were once again running wild - was it a bad sign that Colette wasn’t the one speaking to him? Or was he just overreacting..?

“Hey,” he forced the word out past the lump in his throat. "How are you feeling?" he asked, pleading for Colette's voice. Was it selfish that he just wanted to hear her tell him that everything was going to be okay?

"Better now," Colette's voice came, sounding slightly hoarse.

The words were like a shot of adrenaline, and for a moment, Max actually felt a little lightheaded. “Liefje.” He closed his eyes, just hearing her voice sending another wave of relief through him. “Are you okay? How is Bébé?”

"Bébé has decided that they would rather be born today, so I would suggest you hurry up," Victoria said drily.

"Seems like the kid already inherited Max's need for speed," Charles quipped. "How are you doing, Coco?"

"I'm good," Colette's voice replied, and Max could only imagine the eye-roll that was currently happening. He knew his girlfriend, and he had no doubt that she had been glaring at Victoria ever since the phone was put on speaker.

"Where are you?" she asked, her voice suddenly turning much softer. "You're coming, right?"

"Coming," he assured her, his heart aching. "We're coming, I promise."

"I know. I’m not worried." She sounded like she meant it, but Max could easily imagine the anxiety in her eyes.

"You'd better not worry," Charles said, and then added, "I’m keeping him from doing anything dumb."

Max shot Charles a dirty look at that, bt he swallowed down the annoyed protest and focused back on Colette instead. “Just…hold on a little longer, okay?”

"It's not like I can go anywhere else," Colette replied, her voice slightly amused. "I’ll keep our little speed demon in there a little lo...." She broke off and let out a quiet hiss of pain, her voice once again cut off by what Max suspected to be a particularly painful contraction.

“Colette,” he said sharply, all kinds of emotions washing over him, one by one. “Liefje, just…just breathe through it, okay?”

There was a second of panting, then, he heard her take a deep breath. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m okay,” she finally said. “Just…hurts like hell.”

He swallowed and clenched his free hand tightly into a fist, fighting against the urge to just jump out of the car and start running towards the airport.

Colette being in pain was not something he could deal with.

He heard her take a few more deep breaths, and he just sat there, waiting and listening and feeling absolutely useless.

"How long until you get here?" she asked after a moment, her voice breathless. He could see her in his mind, his sweet girl, sitting on the bed and clutching her belly as another contraction hit her.

"We're not even at the airport yet," he told her, and damn it, why were his eyes suddenly burning. "We’ll get there as soon as we can, okay? Just...hold on a little longer."

"What your dad said..." Colette said with a shaky voice.

"I know," he said simply, the grief raw in his voice. Neither of them were ever really going to get over the two babies they had lost. They had learnt to live with the pain, they had dealt with the heartbreak an grief...but it was always going to be scar for them.

"Max, if something…" she began, her voice a little wobbly. He could tell that she was crying, by the way her breathing got a little more hitched and ragged.

But she suddenly cut off and gasped, letting out an even breath. Another contraction..."Hey, nothing is gonna happen," he quickly said, trying to soothe her. "Nothing. I'll be there soon. I'll be there before you know, and our child will meet their parents. We will be fine, we will get through this. You, and me. Together."

"If something happens," Colette continues. "If..."

"No," he cut her off, the word coming out as a growl. "Nothing is gonna happen. You will not talk that way. You’re going to deliver a gorgeous and healthy baby, and I won’t hear anything else."

"Max..." she protested, but Max wasn’t having it.

"You’re not going anywhere," he said firmly, putting as much steel in his voice as he could. "You will be fine. Our baby will be fine, and I will be there soon and I will hold your hand and you can threaten to geld me and all of it will be okay. Just breathe.” 

He could hear the sound of her breathing, deep and even. She was trying to steady it, and Max gripped his phone tighter. He didn’t know if he was trying to hold himself together, or if he was trying to hold on to the sound of her voice.

The seconds ticked by, and then another contraction hit, and he heard her gasp out another ragged breath. Max felt like he was going to crawl out of his own skin. The idea of her in pain was like an invisible knife twisting a little deeper in his gut, each time.

"We need to go," Charles said suddenly. "We need to get into the plane." The car slowed down at that moment. "Coco, listen to me. I am going to be absolutely fucking furious with you if something happens to you," Charles told her fiercely. 

"Trust me," Colette’s voice said, sounding slightly tired. "I am very, very motivated to stay alive."

That was good. That was a good sign. If she was still being sarcastic and even a little bit cheeky…it was good.

"Just hold on," he told her again, the familiar feeling of helplessness seeping into his bones. "Just keep hanging on, for me. I love you."

“I love you too,” the words were as immediate and as fast as the sunrise each morning. "Hurry up, dammit."

"I’m trying," he replied, his voice hoarse. "I’m trying. We’re at the airport now. We’ll get there as fast as we can-" he had to stop, when he heard her let out another pained gasping sound, as another contraction clearly hit her hard.

“Goddamn,” he exclaimed, all of his muscles tense with the urge to do something. He wanted to help her, he wanted to be there to comfort her…but more than anything,  he was terrified of losing her. "Liefje, just keep breathing, okay? Breathe and stay calm."

"I’m trying to," her voice was breathless, and he knew that she was probably trying hard to fight the urge to cry out. Oh God, he hated that. He hated seeing her in pain, he loathed feeling this utterly useless.

"Go. Love you," she told him.

"I love you," he told her emphatically, wanting to say something more, but then Charles impatiently gestured at him to hurry up and get out of the car. "I...I’ll see you soon, okay? Just hang on, okay?"

"Yeah," he could tell that she was trying even harder to control her voice, trying to put on a calm and steady front for his benefit. "Just..." she cut off and let out a gasp, another contraction evidently hitting her hard. "...just hurry up before this baby decides to make their way out before you arrive, okay?"

"I will," he promised through gritted teeth. "I will, goddammit, I will, just…hang on."

He heard Colette’s pained panting, and each of her breaths was like a stab in the gut.He hated having to hang up on her

Everything in him rebelled at that. How could he, how could he possibly abandon her like that, how could he let her take on this pain and fear all by herself, without him there to hold her hand...but goddamnit, he had no choice.

He took a shuddering breath and pushed past the urge to scream, to slam his fist into something, anything. His mind was a whirlwind of emotions, ranging from the desperate need to get to her, to overwhelming panic, to anger at the universe for forcing them apart and for putting her through this pain.

Into the plane they went…it was probably the shortest amount of time between entering a plane and taking off Max had ever experienced. 

Before too long they were up in the air, flying towards Nice.

The minutes ticked by, each one passing by like a century. Max would sit in restless agitation at his seat, his mind racing back and forth. Every thought and memory came back to Colette. He just wanted to be at her side, he just wanted everything to be okay…

And instead he would be stuck on this plane for 6 hours.

He would be stuck on this goddamn plane for six hours. Six hours, each one of them filled with the knowledge that the love of his life was giving birth to their child, and he was not there to support her, to hold her hand and reassure her that everything was okay.

It was driving him absolutely insane. He couldn’t take it, he just wanted to be there, with her. He could vividly picture her, sitting in the hospital bed and gripping the rails, her face screwed up in pain as she fought through another contraction. And he was not there to comfort her.

"Maman is with her. Your sister is with her. Lorenzo and Arthur too." Charles said at that moment. “We aren't there but everybody else is."

"How can you be this calm?" Max asked him, dragging a hand through sweat damp hair.

"Don't mistake calm for not being worried," Charles said evenly, his eyes tracking Max's restless pacing of the plane. "I am worried. For her, for you and for the little one. But freaking out isn't gonna do anyone any favours right now."

"I know,” Max said, his voice still strangled tight with stress. He just couldn't get any of the images out of his mind - her struggling and fighting her way through the pain, looking more vulnerable and pale than he had ever seen her...and he was not there.

“Besides, I shouted at Ferrari’s PR and got it out of my system, so currently, I am feeling quite calm.” Charles said darkly. “I imagine that’s going to change again when I am sure that Colette and the baby are alright.”

Max just stared at him. Charles had done what?

If there was a religion that Charles Leclerc believed in then it was Ferrari.

Charles Leclerc was their golden boy. Their Il Predestinato. There was no good-natured fobbing to be had about Ferrari regardless of what issues there had been had through the years, and there had been a lot.

Charles worshipped Ferrari like a malevolent goddess. He didn’t want to hear any criticism of his team and Max had given up on that a very long time ago. 

Charles and Colette both could be the most stubborn people Max had ever match. The only one who could match their stubbornness were each other. 

"You did what?" Max stared at him, utterly flabbergasted. Charles was an absolute Ferrari fan and loyal to the very core…why the hell would he yell at the PR people?

"Why...? What did they do?"

"They weren't even going to tell me that something was wrong with Colette," Charles said darkly. "I knew it. I knew that something was off. But they didn't say anything. It was one of Red Bull's PR Staff that got me out of the cooldown room. Ferrari wouldn't have said anything to me. Ferrari didn't want me to leave either. They wanted to debrief, they wanted me to give interviews,"

Max had to resist the urge to swear. He had been so focused on the fact that he was not with Colette that he hadn't even processed the fact that Ferrari had actually kept her labour a secret from Charles, simply to make him stay and do his goddamn job for them.

"You know that that is not normal, right?" he asked him drily. "I am not telling you that everything is perfect at Red Bull but Christian would never fucking stand for that."

"You know I never expected it," Charles told him, his mouth a thin hard line. "We are the drivers. We are the stars. But we come second. First and foremost, we are assets to the team. What Ferrari wants, Ferrari gets. We drive, we get podiums, we hold the trophies, and we smile for the cameras. Everything else comes second. It doesn’t matter to them. To them, only the trophies matter. "

"That's what they want," Max told him, anger seeping into his voice. "But that's not how it should be. Ferrari is wrong. If something is wrong with your loved ones, they have no right to keep it from you like that. Especially not for the sake of a goddamn interview."

"I know," Charles said, his lips thin with bitterness. "But there's not much I can do about it, is there? We may be the top drivers on the grid, but we drive the car that the teams give us. There's only so much that we can do when the team has power over pretty much every aspect of our career. And believe me, I am going to pay a fucking price for doing what I did. I just don't care at all. It's Colette," he said sharply. "I love all my siblings. I do. I love Lorenzo and Arthur. I would do everything for them. But they aren't my twin. They aren't the second half of me," Charles said simply. "Ferrari be damned."

Max hadn't thought that he was ever going to hear these words out of Charles' mouth but here they were.

"What the fuck did Jos say by the way? What did Coco mean?" Charles demanded.

"He gave an interview to Sky Sports," Max said, fury still embering deep in his gut.

"Of course he did." Charles said, not sounding surprised at all. "What did he say?"

"Confirmed the relationship...and the pregnancy," Max said clenching his teeth. "And if that wasn't enough...he made a...comment about how it had taken us long enough to have a baby."

There was a sharp indrawn breath as Charles absorbed that. "...What?" Charles said after a moment, his voice strangled. "...he made that comment in public? Are - are you serious?"

"I never told him about the two...miscarriages," Max said quietly. "I couldn't deal with whatever well meant advice he was going to have...but I...We lost two babies," Max said weakly. "My father went out there and confirmed our relationship and the pregnancy without talking to either of us. He just made that decision because it's "ridiculous" that we kept it a secret for so long. An it’s making me furious. This wasn't his decision to make. This was ours."

"Yes," Charles said, his jaw clenching. "It was. Your decision. Nobody else’s. He had absolutely no right to do that. Goddamn it, I have never liked that man, but I've never had the urge to punch him as much as I do this very moment."

"You and me both," Max said. The anger he was feeling would have been burning through him like a damn inferno if he hadn't been so worried about Colette.

"This should have come from us," Max repeated quietly. "Not from anybody else."

"It still can come from you," Charles said.

Max paused, looking up at him. "Are you saying we should..." he began uncertainly.

"You want to tell the entire world that you love my sister and that she is having your baby? You have an Instagram account and a phone with an internet connection," Charles said drily. "Tell them the truth. Your truth."

Max opened his mouth and then closed it again. Charles had a point. It was obvious what the news was going to be now if people had seen Jos's interview.

But he wanted to be the one to tell the world. He wanted it to be on his terms. He wanted it to be public but on his public terms. Not his father's.

"Are you ever going to ask my sister to marry you?" Charles asked him suddenly.

The question caught him completely off guard. "...What?" He said blankly, stunned by the change of the conversation.

"You gave her a ring when you were both 18 that you both insisted was only a promise ring," Charles said drily. "Are you ever going to replace it with the real thing?"

He thought back to that ring that still sat on Colette's finger to this day. A simply gold band with a tiny heart-shaped diamond.

He had given it to her in 2016, after his very first Grand Prix win in Spain. He had gone out and bought it that very same day to be exact.

He had bought Victoira a handbag the first time he had scored his championship points...but the first time he had won...he had bought Colette that ring.

"Apparently the baby is only going to have your surname too, because you have an agreement," Charles continued. "Do I actually want to know what that agreement was?"

"We were 18. Both our father's would have probably killed us, if we came to them and told them that we were engaged," Max said with a sigh. The Leclerc's had always been supportive of their relationship but Hervè Leclerc had very much thought that both Colette and him were far too young to get married. 

Jos on the other hand...Max didn't even want to imagine that screaming fit.  "So I gave her that ring and we agreed that..."

"You agreed that..." Charles repeated slowly, silently urging him to continue.

Max let out a deep sigh and dragged a hand through his already messy hair, mussing it up even more. "We agreed that we didn't really need a piece of paper to tell us what we already knew," he said simply. "Colette and I had been together for 6 years at that point, we already knew and accepted that we were going to be together for the rest of our lives. It was just a matter of when. So we decided that we didn't need a damn piece of paper to know that we were committed to each other. We already knew that, without a doubt," Max said simply. "It was a promise ring. To love and to cherish, till death us do part. One day we would do it properly, but till then...that ring was a promise."

Charles stared at him. "Let me get this straight. You have been married to my sister for 10 years?" he asked him sharply.

Max winced. Okay. Put like that, it sounded kinda bad. "We never had the actual wedding," he said sheepishly. "We both know it wasn't necessary for us, so...we kinda just...never got around to it."

"I mean, I did ask your father for her hand in marriage when it was clear that he wasn't going to be there...when we eventually did it properly...but...for us that ring was… It was more than enough," Max said quietly. "I knew damn well that I would be with her for the rest of my life. She knew it. We both knew it. And that ring was a symbol between us that sealed the deal. We both knew that it was going to be for forever and always. It was a promise. A promise to always stay by each other’s side. No matter how badly things fell apart around us. No matter how much the world wanted to tear us to apart. We were going to stay together, come hell or high water. We didn't need a paper to prove that to us or the rest of the world," Max said firmly.

Charles stared at him for a couple of long moments, processing this. Max was well aware that, from an outside perspective, it might sound weird. That they had been so young, but so utterly certain that they were going to spend their lives together.

But he and Colette had been together for years. And he had seen how strongly they had bonded over the years, seen what they had been able to deal with as a team, as one, and how they had come through every single thing that the life had thrown at them together.

"You two are utterly ridiculous," Charles finally said drily. "You didn't get engaged because as far as you two were concerned you already got married years ago."

Max winced a little bit and couldn't really refute it. If he were to be honest, he'd have admit it did sound utterly ridiculous, when Charles spelled it out like that.

But that just...that was how badly they had known right from the very beginning that this was it for them. They didn't need a piece of paper to tell them what they already knew.

"I'll ask her properly," he promised Charles. "I already got the ring. But Colette doesn't want to overshadow Lorenzo and Charlotte and I knew that she wasn't going to want to have a big party while pregnant so I figured I would just wait."

Charles was slightly taken aback by his words, before he gave a small smile. "She'll definitely say yes, you know," he said, the corner of his eyes crinkling with affection.

Max smiled in return. His heart ached with the thought of her. "I hope so," he said quietly, feeling like there was a hole in his chest where his heart was supposed to be. "I really, really hope so."

[nianeyemystic]

💦💖 Sexual & Physical Compatibility Synastry 🤤

Soooo this post was inspired by one of my close friends. She's in a long distance relationship & was explaining how different sex feels with her new man. Now let me preface this and say

*not everyone will experience this synastry the same, that's okay these are just MY OWN obseervations. Ive been studying this for a few years now and so far - it tracks lol*

❤️‍🔥Mars-Venus Aspects❤️‍🔥

✨ Conjunction, Trine, or Sextile: These aspects show natural attraction and sexual chemistry. Mars represents passion, while Venus represents love and desire. You can find yourself becoming so intensely attracted to your partner. It's something we astrologers always look for, if you have these, you most certainly will know it by how your body reacts to that person being around you.

✨ Square or Opposition: These can indicate tension that manifests as fiery, passionate attraction but may need effort to balance. So yes, you will want to tear their clothes off every time you interact, but it can also be like unnecessary fights & explosive fights. You will need a sexual outlet.

❇️Mars-Mars Aspects❇️

✨ If Mars in both charts forms a harmonious aspect (e.g., trine or sextile), you may share similar sexual energy levels and desires. Which can lead to wanting the sex at the same time or being on the same page about what makes you feel good in the bedroom.

😍 Mars-Pluto Aspects😍

✨ This is a powerful placement for deep, transformative, and intense sexual attraction. I looooooveeeee seeing this one in couples charts. If you've felt like you can't explain why your body tingles around them, why you can't stop thinking about them? Why you're always wanting to be near them. You possibly have Mars - Pluto. The connection can feel magnetic and almost fated.

💋 Venus-Pluto Aspects💋

✨These aspects create an obsessive, passionate attraction. I say obsessive bc Pluto is involved. It can be healthy though, depending on how you express your obsessions. Like....don't stalk them, but be open about how they make you crave the. There’s often a deep emotional and physical bond that feels irresistible.

🧡Moon-Mars Aspects🧡

✨ The Moon represents emotions and Mars represents physical drive, so these aspects indicate a connection that blends emotional intimacy with sexual passion. I already did an entire post describing this connection in detail, so make sure you visit that one here:

💙Venus-Mars in Each Other's Houses💙

✨ When one partner's Venus or Mars falls into the other's 5th (romance), 7th (partnership), or 8th (sexual intimacy) houses, it can signify strong attraction and sexual compatibility.

💕 Sun-Mars Aspects💕

✨ Harmonious aspects (e.g., trine or sextile) between the Sun and Mars often indicate a strong physical connection. Challenging aspects can create a dynamic but exciting sexual tension. I like Sun & Mars bc sometimes it can feel invigorating & exciting when relationships seem to get dull. You'll always find the other person just enough of a challenge to keep your enticed.

💋Moon-Pluto Aspects💋

✨ This aspect creates emotional intensity and a deep, transformative connection that often translates into a passionate physical bond. I have sen this play out several times and it can be a beautiful bond that only you two will understand. So much so that you may even be willing to try new sexual things w this person, taboo sexual exploration. As long as the emotional connection is being satisfied, you will do anything to please your partner sexually.

❤️‍🔥Eros and Psyche (433 & 16)❤️‍🔥

✨Eros (sexual desire) and Psyche (soulful love) aspects in synastry can reveal where deep sexual and emotional compatibility exists.

💛 North Node Conjunct Venus or Mars💛

✨This placement suggests a karmic or destined connection where the partners help each other grow, often through romantic or sexual experiences. The friend I was inspired to make this post bc of this has this with her man. His NN is conjunct her Venus. she's expressed many times how his love feels like it is healing her, forcing her to grow as a divine feminine. I love this one, it also leads to sexual healing.

💕Bonus: 8th House Synastry💕

When one person’s planets fall into the other’s 8th house, it often triggers themes of intimacy, transformation, and sexual magnetism.

These placements and aspects don't guarantee compatibility, but they can highlight areas of potential connection and attraction. Always look at the full synastry chart for a holistic view!

Do you have any of these? Let me know below!

@nianeyemystic ✨❥

[sillymommy6969]

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ 𝖄OURS TRULY

Manon Bannerman x actor!fem!reader

summary: being an actress can be pretty demanding, and manon's pretty understanding of the things that came along with your career, but lately it’s feeling a little too real

warnings: slight!angst, some sm posts, jealous!manon, one mean comment, kinda used rachel zegler as a face claim only because i used those pics for the smau, harsh language

Being an actress came with lots of benefits; you travelled all around the world to film in beautiful, exotic locations, you get to meet a lot of amazing new people within and beyond the industry, and you get to do what you were most passionate about. But, it also meant every aspect of your life would be examined under a microscope, on and off set, and you would be made to post or say things that weren’t true just for the sake of promotions or publicity.

You absolutely loathed that part of your job. It has driven a wedge between your relationship with so many ex-boyfriends or girlfriends and even some friendships.

When you met Manon at your good friend and fellow Euphoria costar, Dominic’s New Year’s Eve party, you were absolutely entranced by this walking shred of heaven. Back then, she had not joined Dream Academy yet and she was just in between modelling gigs. You couldn’t help yourself, grabbing her hand and kissing the back of it. You had to get to know her better, and by the end of the night you were leaving Dominic’s condo and stumbling into yours with her pressed against you.

When you begun dating, you made sure Manon knew the extents of your career. You were blunt, dating an actress wasn’t always going to be easy, especially with the way tabloids write their own narrative about your life.

a) Your job entailed partial nudity at times; you’ve been in enough movies or series to know women are always asked to strip in front of cameras. You weren’t exactly the biggest fan, but it wasn’t your artistic choice to make.

b) Your job entailed lots of cameras and eyes constantly trained on you, meaning they would spin stories and insane theories out of the most ridiculously insignificant detail. Nothing the tabloids report can ever be trusted.

c) Your job entailed doing things with your costars, i.e. kissing, making out, filming intimate scenes, etc. As somebody in the industry, you have become so desensitized by the concept of faking things for art. But you understood not many people understood the gravity of everything your career demanded from you, and it can cause lots of issues emotionally.

Manon was very reluctant about these three rules at first, skeptical of how bad things had to be for you to drop this on her the first month in. But then she got on dream academy, she then successfully debuted in Katseye, and she, herself, experienced a lot of the things you fell victim to. She understood and accepted much more than she had to because she loved you, she really did, and to anybody with eyes, the two of you were absolutely smitten.

Recently, you were onset of a new project you were cast in—a remake of Romeo & Juliet but with a modern edge to it. Everything was going good, internal reviews for what, and as you wrapped up filming, you were asked to post an ‘wrap dump’ to promote the movie. Your manager presented you with a selection of photos, and you compiled them into a post.

Liked by kitconnor, lararajj & 821,440 others

ynln Can’t wait for ya’ll to see us in six months <3

19 hours ago

user01 THE FIRST SLIDE HELLO???????

user02 yall stronger than me i would’ve fallen in love

dominicfike aye get it sis

ynln you really do be everywhere but the studio

dominicfike kys

user03 has anybody seen the leaked kiss

user04 YES OMG

user05 they’re such a theatre kid power couple

user03 DID YALL SEE KIT GRABBING HER FACE

user06 you can’t convince me they’re not tgt

user07 Is this a hard launch I’m sobbing

user08 girl you ever heard of marketing 😭😭

user09 no they’re dating

user10 THEYRE LITERALLY NOT??

user11 guys y/n’s dating manon rmb not kit

user12 they never confirmed tho so maybe it’s kit

user13 @user12 Denial is a river in Egypt…

You didn’t think much about the post, getting out of your makeup from the day before hitching a ride home with your manager. You had a couple hours to freshen up and get ready before the wrap party that night, and you were very excited to have invited Manon as your plus one.

It was one of those rare days your girlfriend had a day off that matched your schedule. She had her reservations about being seen or photographed with you at such a public event, but you assured her everything was going to be cast and crew only.

Back at her dorm, Manon was doing her makeup on the floor of her room. She had the room to herself, Lara invited some of the girls home for the weekend with her—which meant Daniela was gone as well. Only Sophia and Yoonchae opted to stay home, wanting to spend the free time they had shopping for decorations to liven up their room. She was nervous, to say the least, about meeting all the professional filmmakers and famed actors and directors you worked with every day.

A knock on her door sounded through the music blasting.

“Yo, Manon, you getting ready to go soon?” When she turned her head to catch a glimpse of Sophia poking her head through the doorway, the leader was focused on the phone in her hand, strolling in to stand behind the older member.

“Yeah, heading over to Y/N’s in fifteen-ish… why?”

“You seen Y/N’s latest instagram post?” Sophia asked.

Manon shook her head. She hadn’t been on social media since the night before, she slept in, waking up late and immediately had to throw herself into the shower to get ready.

“Well, you gotta see this shit.”

Sophia knealt, holding her phone out for Manon to peep at the tweet she had pulled up onscreen. The way she snatched the filipina’s phone was nothing short of urgent and stunned.

It wasn’t like Manon hadn’t seen you kiss your costars onscreen, she’s been to many movies watching you lead in a film. But this, watching this bag of bulging muscles in a tank touch you where she usually did, your hands grabbing his face as the two of you made out on a bed?

Manon had never, and I mean ever, felt such rage. She was experiencing so many emotions at once; some rationality, some discomfort, but mostly an overwhelming sense of rage.

She didn’t care. She was a jealous girlfriend. And she can say she understands as many times as she could, but she hated every single time you’d kiss, touch or feel anybody but her. She knew it was what you did for a living, but she couldn’t shed the way she felt like smashing Kit Connor’s face through a wall.

“That’s a wild ass movie your girl’s making,” Sophia scoffed, in attempts to lighten the tension.

Manon’s jaw clenched, shoving the phone back into Sophia’s chest before standing. She was now sad she had gotten her hair and outfit done all nice, because she didn’t feel like showing up to an event thrown somewhat in your honour.

“Manon…? Manon!” Sophia called after the Ghanaian woman, but she had already grabbed her purse and left the house.

When you came out of the shower, your hair wet and your body glistening, you were taken aback by the sudden pounding you heard from your condo’s door. You quickly put on your panties and one of Manon’s oversized shirts. Slipping into your slippers, you stumbled out your bathroom and to the door. Just a couple feet away from it, another round of thrusts throw you off. “I’m coming, Jesus Christ!”

Swinging your door open, you were ready to rip into whomever so disrespectfully made their presence known, but upon seeing your girlfriend, dressed all nice and looking pretty, your expression softened. “Baby, I thought you were coming—!”

She held a hand over your mouth, pushing you into your home before kicking the door shut behind her.

You furrowed your eyebrows, “Manz, what the fu—?”

“Are you fucking Kit Connor?” She immediately barked, a hand on your bare chest, backing you up towards the couch. “I get myself all nice and pretty for your party and I find out you’re macking this hunk like there’s no tomorrow?”

Your hand rested on your chest, before you were knocked onto your ass. You glanced up at your dining girlfriend, her lips pursed and her sharp brows knit together.

“Woah, woah, woah, what’re we talking about here?”

She yanked her phone out her pocket, her fingers jabbing at her screen as she pulled up your instagram page. The photos you and Kit took on set was harshly shoved into your face, you gently cradled her hand with both of yours, carefully pulling it back so you could see. She then harshly pulled her hand back, pulling up Pop Base’s tweet of a leaked onset photo.

“When the fuck did you even get these photos taken? I mean, having to do minimal stuff for work is one thing, but letting him carry you and grab your ass and your thighs and getting all close and intimate behind the scenes when you’re not even on fucking camera is so far over the line, Y/N.” she rambled, “Then I have to see you basically dry hump this man?”

You sighed, knowing it was another one of the older woman’s jealous episodes. You tried being more understanding, to listen and calm her down, knowing it was a consequence of your job.

“Baby, please, take a deep breath, okay?” You gently grab the phone from her hand, setting it down on the couch beside you. You entertained your fingers, kissing her knuckles. “What did I tell you about the rules, hm?”

With a pout, Manon’s voice dropped low, “You’re a public figure and need to get intimate with coworkers a lot.”

You hummed, nodding. “That’s right. And y’know what the best way to promote a new movie is?”

She rolled her eyes, staring away. “Dating scandals.”

“Yes, baby, dating scandals.” You tugged at her hands, pulling her down to take a seat. Her body slumped to sit on your lap, her eyes still refusing to meet yours as you fixed a loose curl from her temple. “I’m sorry you had to see that, Manz. I never do things I don’t need to. I took those pictures on a press day a while back when Kit and I were asked to do ‘behind the scenes’ photos, none of it is real.”

“Yeah, well, it looked pretty real when you were eating his face on that bed,” she huffed, “What was I supposed to think?”

You chuckled, nodding. You wrapped your arms around her waist, pulling both of you to lie back into the couch. “I know, I know, but I’m not going to the party as Kit’s date, right? He’s not the one I’ve been waiting to see all day.” You gestured at your dripping appearance, “That’s why I wanted you to come in twenty, so I could be ready and beautiful just for you, baby.”

Manon scoffed, “Yeah, you’re lookin’ real rough right now.”

You playfully slapped her at the joke, “I promise you, I am yours, truly. I don’t even care about Kit, because all I think about when I’m at work is coming home and getting to see my ridiculously beautiful and sexy girlfriend.”

That statement seemed to win Manon over, her hands coming up to cradle your cheeks. “You better swear on your life.”

“I swear on this life and the next. I love you, Manz.”

“Mmh, I love you more,” she hummed, leaning in to kiss you softly. When the two of you pulled apart, she sneered, “Is that how you kiss him too?”

You clicked your tongue, a hand reaching under her thigh to move her body so she was straddling you. “Do you really wanna know? I’ll show you exactly what Kit and I do when nobody’s looking.” you spat, earning a gasp from Manon when your hand cupped the back of her neck, yanking her down into you for a heated kiss.

It was a long night of entertaining producing executives and crew members, but you were very happy to have your girlfriend meet the people you’ve been working with for months. When it came time for you to give Kit a hug in greeting though, Manon made sure her disapproval was made known.

You had an upcoming role in the third season of the White Lotus, you were not excited about how the Ghanaian woman would react to the scenes on that show.

[yallthemwitches]

This year was my grand return to the jily community after a looooong hiatus and I'm so happy to return because--damn-- there's some incredible work being made for our cute little idiots.

I can't post everything that completely floored me this year, but here are some good standouts---some old some new. I hope you enjoy them as much as I did!

The Last Enemy: @chdarling

I've already made a whole other post gushing about this one so I will keep it brief. It's a commitment but it is 100% worth it. The slow burn, the dealings with political turmoil, the PINING. Every character is done with such care and kept me invested. I truly check everyday in hopes for updates on the next installement.

A Place for Hidden Things: @stonecoldhedwig

A soft, quiet thing of a fic that hits like a hammer to the head by the end. I love the concept of Harry discovering his parents through their objects and letters.

Notes: @scriibble-fics

It's hard to choose one of sciibble-fics works. No one does sexy, yearning jily like them. I love the passage of time in this one, the semi-friends to "omg, I need you RIGHT NOW" that comes with young love. Highly reccomend checking out the rest of their work.

When the Shadows Divide: @gigglesandfreckles-hp

I have to be honest with you---when I went to Abi's AO3 to choose one of her fics it was an impossible task. It's like a Sophie's choice senario--- and yes I am being dramatic but all of them are such treats.

A more angsty choice of her work but it left me staring at my wall with feelings for a good while afterwards. Please PLEASE also go check out her more fluffy because...my lord.

Love for the Summer: @missgryffin

I have to make a confession. I am a VERY picky fic reader. The worst honestly. I am a canon compliant, (mostly) Hogwarts era purist, and even if those are still present, I get weird if the fic takes place in settings that aren't traditional to the HP universe (I'm insane, I'm aware)

So imagine my surprise when this SUMMERTIME, jily fic keeps me so invested I'm basically biting my nails to nubs. Its so sexy and cute and jily are just so UGH. I love it when M/E rated fics are hot but then remember that they are still idiots, you know?

Up on the Rooftop: @beedaily

A jily classic! Your good old fashioned, bickering in love couple.

Patronus Material: @OgdensOldFirewhiskey

The classic Patronus trope, but so so adorable.

Aaaand if I think of more I will add them! Please go read fan work! Write comments! Give kudos and gush! Readers are what makes this lil' community strong!

[rainydayathogwarts]

Omg I saw your post and I love it!! What about like lestrange!reader that’s absolutely nothing like her parents and now that they escaped Azkaban she’s not just worried for her but for her boyfriend(you can insert any guy here) and she suggests for them to break up and he just immediately refuses!! Basically just fluff

In this together - George Weasley

based on this post - i LOVE how this request came in instantly i was so happy writing this!! summary: when you find out that your mother, Bellatrix Lestrange has escaped Azkaban, you have a crisis, thankfully short lived due to your boyfriend's care for the situation cw: flinching away from parent but idk if that's a mention of abuse. wc: 1k+

The blood drained from your face as you stared at the newspaper, your mother’s horrific laugh ringing in your ears despite the eery silence of the moving image in front of you. Your tea went cold, steam evaporating into the Great Hall’s frigid atmosphere. Everyone’s energy was low, accusatory stares aimed towards you despite your fearful nature at the discover of your parents’ escape from Azkaban. Dropping the newspaper on the table, you stared straight ahead, noticing how several students instantly averted their gaze from you through your peripheral vision. Escaping the hungry stares of the students in the Great Hall, you were ignorant to one pair of eyes worriedly observing your retreating figure.

You remember your last visit to Azkaban, a mandatory yearly visit, added into your mother’s plea deal. Whilst your father had gone down easily, pleading guilty to all his crimes, Bellatrix had demanded you visit her once a year in order for her to take the plea. Of course, as a baby you had no one to defend your word, and the condition of your visits immediately became inked into the plea agreement. You had sat across from your mother, head bowed down in submission, grateful that you’d become a legal adult in just a couple of months, and you’d never have to visit her again. Bellatrix had tried reaching out to you, touching your face, but she’d immediately been pulled back by magical forces. Forces which almost blinded her from the way you flinched away from her, losing balance on the small visitor’s stool you sat on.

Bellatrix had scowled, fury engulfing her body at the sight of her own daughter violently jerking away from in fear. In the midst of her anger, she had stood up, slamming her cuffed hands down on the table in a flurry of metal clanging and high pitched ringing. She screamed until her face turned red, causing aurors to pull her away while another ushered you out of the institution. Now, you feared for what she might do to you now that she was free. Her obsession with your life had allowed her to discover information about you whilst locked in the prison, further alarming you every time she revealed a layer of knowledge she knew about you. 

A loud call of your name across the hallway had you sharply spinning around in front of the large snake statue adorning the entrance to the slytherin common room. Your shoulders slumped in relief at the sight of George running towards you, his fiery hair blowing away from his face as he hurried to reach you. The furrow in your eyebrows didn't relent, worry still engulfing your body. When George reached you, he didn't hesitate to tug your body into his in a warm hug. You held your boyfriend close to you, shutting your eyes tightly. “Hey.” He spoke up, pressing a kiss on your forehead. “Do you want to skip Hogsmeade this week? Spend some time here instead?” You nodded silently, feeling the tremor in your hand at the shock of the situation, shutting and opening your mouth, painfully aware of the way George was analysing your face.

“What is it?” He asked, watching as you formed the words in your head, eyes scanning the room. “George. We’re not, it’s not safe for us. I don’t know what she’ll do to me, but she’ll kill you if she finds out.” It was George’s turn to furrow his eyebrows, trying to make sense of your sentences as he pulled away from you, holding your shoulders at arm’s length. “You being in a relationship with me isn’t safe as long as she’s out of Azkaban.” You clarified, giving him a pointed look despite the unwanted tears building up in your eyes. “Sweetheart,” George smiled in spite of the situation, leaning his head down so he was levelled with you. “Lovely, if you’re trying to break up with me it’s not going to work.” A single teardrop rolled down your cheek at the gravity of the situation and you sniffled, wiping a hand across your cheek to wipe the wetness away.

“Oh, darling.” George mumbled, bringing you back into the hug, pressing his lips against your forehead without kissing you. “We’re in this together, yeah?” He whispered against your skin. When you didn’t nod, he pulled away from you slightly, though he kept you in his arms, repeating his words. “We’re in this together, okay?” You nodded, replying with a shaky “Okay” which left him satisfied. After a while of keeping you in his arms, you finally spoke up again. “I don’t want her to hurt you.” George brushed strands of hair away from your eyes, pressing fluttering kisses all over your face, his hands cupping your cheeks to keep you in place. You huffed, a smile finally making its way onto your face after he set another dozen kisses on your cheeks and forehead. You giggled, hands coming up to push your boyfriend’s face away from yours, but he tucked his face into the crook of your neck instead, pressing kisses there.

“If she tries to hurt either of us I assure you my mum will be stood there with a slipper in each hand.” You scoffed in amusement, laughing loudly when he added “Deadly weapons these.” 

George fully pulled away from you, snaking a hand into yours and intertwining your fingers, muttering the password for the slytherin common room. The passageway opened, and you strolled into the common room, leading George up the stairs towards your dorm, listening as he said. “Anyway, you’re safe at Hogwarts for now, and then you’ll be with the whole family during the Christmas break anyway.” Your eyebrows shot up, and you glanced towards George, humming as you asked “Am I?” George stopped in his tracks, looking at you suspiciously. “What you think you can come spend the summer with us and then never come home again? Mum would throw a fit. She said we can even share the bed this time, so you know she really likes you.“ 

[twopoppies]

Gina, I want to tell you I have been reading your blog for a couple years now. I’ve never sent an ask to anyone. I first came into the fandom when I watched Harrychella and I thought hmm this man isn’t just flagging he is screaming at the top of his lungs. Then I watched the Cosmic Leeds videos and I fell down a rabbit hole. I am not someone who believes “conspiracy theories”. I am however old enough to know closeting has been proven to exist in the entertainment industry. I’m also from a rural area of the U.S. where homophobia is the norm, so unfortunately I had no trouble believing closeting still exists. I went into full information gathering mode about Larry Stylinson, but it was more than that too. I fell in love with 1D and all the boys’ solo work, especially Louis. I loved his voice, his songwriting, and his ‘real’ personality (when he allowed it to shine through all the media training). I read through every tumblr I could, you and Daisie provided a wealth of information that can not be ignored. I feel certain that Larry was real and I hope they are still together. I’m not one of those people who never doubted. It would be hard not to second guess things in this fandom with all the gaslighting that goes on. I write all of this to say that I’ve never felt so sad and like there is no hope for change as I do right now. It feels like Louis’ fandom is falling apart. There is so much division, hate, and intolerance of any idea that doesn’t conform to someone’s own. Louis pr strategy honestly baffles me. A divided fandom is so tiring. It seems less like pr and more like intentional sabatoge, which I guess it could be. I just don’t see any way out for him or Harry. I think Harry’s extended break is partly because of this too. I think he was overworked and emotionally drained for many reasons, but closeting most of all is exhausting. If I’m feeling this way as a fan I can’t imagine how they must be feeling. It breaks my heart. Sometimes I hope I am crazy and Larry was never real because the story is just too sad. Don’t even get me started on bbg because it is the shittiest situation ever. I think I need to take a step back from the fandom for a bit. But this brings me to my point. I’m pretty resilient, I can not be the only person feeling this way. It makes me so worried for Louis’ career and for both Louis and Harry’s mental health. I guess I don’t really have an ask. I just wanted to say thank you for all the information you have provided over the years. And, I needed to get this off my chest. If I posted this on twitter I would be roasted and I’m not strong enough for that right now. I meant it when I said I fell in love with their music, so I will continue to support all the boys. I’m hoping there is a master plan that will eventually set them free. But, I just keep coming back to the line

‘Said I had a plan for us Time had came and changed it all We had to disappear 'Cause nothing gets through here’

I will add one more thing. I believe there are more Larries than people think, but we are tired of the gaslighting and the hate, so many of us step back or hide. This is why the industry wins most of the time. 😥

Hi, sweetheart. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I'm sorry it feels so overwhelming right now. I do think taking a step back is probably really healthy for most of us. I've actually never seen the fandom in such shambles.

I don't know what Louis' plan is in terms of his fandom or his future plans. But I have dozens and dozens of sad, confused, and angry messages in my inbox, and that fucking sucks. I really don't see a way forward at the moment. I will say, though, that some of the upset stems from some people's tendency to lean into worst-case scenarios and amplify their own worries by jumping to conclusions. Then there are the shit-stirrers who try to make things worse by sending in fake receipts or theories. It's hard to stay grounded when there's insanity whirling around you.

As for Harry and Louis, I do tend to believe they're still together. I don't think their relationship has been as easy as many of us would like to believe – I don't think it could be, given their ages when they met and the conditions they've had to live with. I do think they're soulmates... soulmates don't always end up together, but I tend to think these two will make it. I certainly hope they do.

Our fandom never does well when the boys aren't active. I think if you want to get your sanity back, now is as good a time as any.

[1toreyouapart]

What It Cost

****THIS IS A FICTIONAL STORY BASED ON REAL PEOPLE. 18+ ONLY. I DO NOT OWN THE RIGHTS TO THE PEOPLE OR MUSIC MENTIONED IN THIS STORY OUTSIDE OF LILITH AND SADIE AND MAYBE A COUPLE OTHERS. DO NOT READ IF YOU’RE NOT UP FOR FANFIC INVOLVING REAL PEOPLE***

Terrible summary: Five years since she last spoke to him. Since she last saw him. Now his face and his voice is everywhere. She can't escape him.

Five years ago Noah destroyed her and the life they had built. Now he’s back and seeking to make amends. As much as she wants to say that it's too little too late, is it?

CW/TW: Angst, mention of addiction, cheating. Mention of character death. Language. Smut (later on). PinV, unprotected PinV (wrap it before you tap it, friends), oral (f&m receiving). All smutty warnings happen later on, so I’ll update TW/CW warning labels as those parts are written and posted. If I forget anything, please let me know so I can fix it! Thank you!

14-Noah

He stood outside her bedroom door, listening to the sounds of her pacing in there. Hadn’t been hard to find which room was hers. All he had to do was listen for the faint sound of her talking to herself. Something she had always done when agitated. He tried not to dwell on how often he had heard it back then. How often he had disappointed her.

Raising his hand he knocked gently, listening for any kind of acknowledgement. None came. Just the continued sounds of her pacing back and forth, muttering something to herself. Heart in his stomach he leaned closer to the door, trying to decipher what she was saying. Something about how she had ruined something.

Carefully he cracked open the door, not wanting to startle her. What he saw there broke him. Lily was pacing back and forth, alternating pinching her inner arm and digging her nails into the palms of her hands. Her eyes stayed locked on the floor as she paced, muttering to herself about how dinner was ruined. How she had fucked it up. Good God. How many times had he listened to her in this state downstairs and he had just ignored it? Dismissed it as her cursing him?

“Lily? Bambi?” He knocked on the doorjamb before attempting to run away the ache in his chest.

Lilith stopped in her tracks, her bright eyes meeting his. Her brow stayed furrowed, mouth slightly turned down into a frown. Those same eyes that he remembered holding so much life broken. Noah didn’t hesitate. He stepped inside her bedroom, quickly shutting the door behind him.

“I’m sorry,” she blurted out, wringing her hands.

Noah crossed the room to her in two long strides, grasping her hands in his. Anything to stop her from hurting herself more. Jesus Christ. He had really let her do all this alone. Let her hurt herself and berate herself all because he was too much of a pussy to face the consequences of his own actions. All because he didn’t want to face her every time he had upset her.

“Bambi. You’re fine. You didn’t do anything.”

“No. I drank too much and I snapped at you and now everything’s ruined. And dinner’s a waste. And I’m sorry.”

“All justified, Lily. You’re justified in being frustrated. In snapping at me. I want to fix everything, I do. But I don’t know how or how I’m supposed to act.” As he spoke he let go of her hands, reaching up to hold her face in his hands instead.

All he wanted in that moment, as she looked up at him totally broken, was to kiss her. If only to distract her from the thoughts he could practically feel circling inside her head. He knew that feeling all too well.

“I don’t know, either.” Her voice wavered. “And I don’t know what’s happening and all I know is I miss you. I hate it, Noah.”

“What’s something I can do right now?” He questioned, desperate to do anything to stop the tears in her eyes from spilling over.”Bambi. Baby. Please don’t cry. I hate it when you cry. I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.”

Helpless and feeling like he wanted the earth to open up and swallow him whole he watched as a tear escaped, slowly sliding down her cheek. Another. And another. He wanted to crawl into a hole and die. Here he had set out to fix things, make things better somehow. And all he had done was hurt her more. Frantic he wiped away the tears with his thumb, his chest feeling tight. Like someone was slowly cinching a strap around it, cutting off his ability to breathe.

“Lilith. Listen to me. Please,” he begged, trying desperately to drag more air into his lungs. “We’re going to go downstairs. I’m going to finish cooking dinner for you. And you’re going to sit there and look pretty. Just like we used to.”

He waited, watching for any sign that she wasn’t up for it. If she didn’t go for it, he had one last Hail Mary. The one thing he really wanted right now, but wasn’t sure it was appropriate in the moment. He hated not knowing what to do. When they had been together, he could have just kissed her and distracted her. But he couldn’t do that. Not anymore. He wasn’t allowed to just kiss her and distracted her long enough to get the thoughts to stop. And he hated it.

Fuck it. He lowered his face, stopping just a fraction of an inch from her lips, eyes trained on her own. Either he fucked this all up or he knew which direction to go after this. There was only one way to be sure. He stroked her cheek with his thumb, buying himself some time. Giving her a chance to say no. Yes, they had spent an entire day tangled up together, caught between her favorite show and making out. But this? This felt far different. Like if he kissed her right now he wouldn’t be able to stop.

“I love you. Never stopped,” was all he said before connecting his lips with her own.

Tags: @collisionofyourkissmakesitsohard @alwaysfightforwhoyouare

[the-cookie-of-doom]

you've written a couple post-canon KimChay fics that I LOVE - cage me in and set me free was one of the first KimChay fics I read, actually, I loved Kim and Porsche's dynamic in it. And then there's Out of the Shadows, which I'd love if you got the inspo to return to at some point (all that tasty, tasty angst!). But we haven't gotten to see how you, personally, would write the actual reconciliation. It's something I struggle with; how do you forgive someone who hurt you and then doubled down? Even if Chay is generous enough to accept and understand Kim's reasoning, how does he trust him after that? What if Kim decides to do something shitty for the greater good again? I'd love to hear your thoughts on that, whether it's general speculation or a bit of insight into the Out of the Shadows arc 👀

AHHH MY FRIEND!!! You're making me feel things ;_;

I do actually plan to come back to Out of the Shadows! Once I finish Technicality, since I've rediscovered the inspo for that, OotS is next on my list!

My personal feelings towards their potential reconciliation have changed a lot in the past year. When I originally watched the show, I had just gone through a really terrible breakup, my first one ever, and I was really sympathetic towards Chay. So I leaned in a little too hard to the "Kim is the worst person ever, how could he break this poor baby's heart."

One of the reasons I stalled on OotS is actually because it was the first longfic I started for this fandom, before I had really been exposed to all the various meta and interpretations, so I didn't have a solid feel for the characters and how I wanted to write them. I reached a point where the characterizations I started with, I no longer really agreed with, and then I had to figure out how to move forward with how I interpret the characters at this point.

Nowadays, I tend to think the reconciliation would go a lot better than you might expect. From what we see in the show, Kim never actually, intentionally seduced Chay. The closest we get to it is that cheek kiss after Chay's confession, but at that point, I think it's reasonable to believe Kim has caught feelings himself. We see multiple times how Kim is actually trying to do the opposite of take advantage: he keeps trying to dismiss Chay and send him away, and Chay chases after him every time. He's a lovestruck kid that doesn't seem to have a healthy idea of boundaries.

I'm also firmly in the camp that Chay knew Kim was sus from the start. he is a terrible liar, not nearly the criminal mastermind that he pretends to be - honestly, I think Kim is a scared kid that gotten in over his head, and is trying to act more confident than he feels.

Which is the crux of my version of their reconciliation. They are both so young. Chay's in high school, Kim is either about to graduate college or just did, putting him at what. 21? 22? That's several younger than me. We have no idea about Kim's dating history, but we can assume based on Chay's... everything that this is his first attempt at a relationship, and it's clumsy. He jumps in with both feet, he confesses being in love before he even knows Kim's full name, let alone anything meaningful about him. And given how Kim is constantly surprised by Chay, I think this is probably his first attempt at a relationship, too. At least one like this.

I tend to meet any given media where it's at, and accept what it's trying to show me. In this case, I've said it before, I'll say it again: KinnPorsche were the action romance with a side of bodyguard + boss/employee, VegasPete was for the dark romance/bodice ripper girlies, and KimChay was meant to be the sweet high school/college romance. It wasn't supposed to be secretly dark and sinister. If anything, it was a coming of age story for Chay; getting his first heartbreak, being faced with the fact that the world isn't as kind as he thought it was (re: the mafia), and having a rebellious teen phase.

ALL OF THAT TO SAY.

At the end of the day, I think Chay is overwhelmed by everything going on in his life, and he can't be mad at Porsche, bc he doesn't have anyone else in his life that he can trust, so he takes all of those feelings of frustration and fear and dumps them at Kim's feet. Kim is easy to be angry at. Kim lied to him, used him, and broke his heart. So Chay is going to dye his hair, start partying with a bad crowd, and cry over the boy he thought he loved not loving him back.

But Chay also loves his brother more than anything. He would do anything for Porsche, even give up their childhood home and move to some small apartment somewhere just so he can be safe, or drop out of school to get a job so he can help with the bills. Everything Kim did, he did to keep his brother safe. And again, Kim never outright tries to make Chay fall in love with him.

Even The Scene at Kim's apartment isn't a huge betrayal to me. I think Chay went running to the one person that's been his rock since Porsche left, needing comfort and reassurance that something in his life is what he thought it was. When he didn't get hat from Kim, he fell apart. And Kim was an asshole in the way he went about it, yes, but he was just. Denying his feelings. He has the right to do that, and it's a pretty common romance trope. He was scared so he pushed Chay away, and it hit Chay so hard because he just lost what he saw as the one good/steady thing in his life, and now he's left adrift in this scary new world. Hell, maybe Chay even went to Kim, now armed with the truth, hoping that Kim could help him navigate life in the mafia, because Porsche certainly isn't doing it. He leaves Chay crying in his room to go out partying with his new family (which is the most heartbreaking scene in the whole show, for me. He did all of this for Chay, but at the very end, he leaves Chay behind)

Anyway. I think that after a little time and distance, all it would really take for Chay to forgive Kim, is just. A conversation. Once Chay realizes that yeah, he was pushy, he did come on strong, and that all the times Kim pulled away from him it wasn't because he was "playing hard to get", but because he didn't know what to do with Chay's intense feelings.

They need to examine how they approach other people (Chay by throwing his everything in at once, and Kim's habit of pulling away). They both have a lot of growing up to do. And I think, at the end of the day, that's what their story is trying to tell us. Heartbreak is just a part of growing up.

ANYWAY. Sorry to word-vomit at you like that. The tl;dr is that I don't think Kim really betrayed Chay, at least not more than any regular coming-of-age breakup story. I think they need to grow up, have some self-reflection, and come back with a better idea of who they are and what they want. After that, who knows what could happen!

[wcnderlnds]

saving the world | peter maximoff

・❥・summary: when the weirdo at the coffee shop turns out to be a superhero ・❥・warnings: none! ・❥・word count: 1k ・❥・authors note: if you saw this posted earlier no you didnt (i messed it up) 😭 but first peter fic of the year lets go!!

The delicious smell of coffee invaded your senses the second you stepped foot into the small little coffee shop you worked at. The morning shift was your least favourite but at least your co-worker always seemed to arrive early enough to get the coffee brewing. It was another task you could tick off your schedule for the day. As you made your way to the back to grab your apron, you noticed the head of silver hair that you’d seen around lately. He was hunched over, flipping pages on some comic book. You guessed he just enjoyed the place — coffee shops always seemed to have the best kind of vibes.

However, as the day went on, he stayed put flipping through the comic book that never seemed to end until you noticed there was a stack of them on the table now. He hadn’t left so did he bring that many with him? Was he really spending his day sitting in a coffee shop? Whispering to your co-worker to take over the cash register, you headed over to the silver haired boy, pot of coffee in your hand.

“Want a drink or anything?” You asked, holding up the coffee in a gesture. “It is a coffee shop after all.”

“No, thanks,” he shook his head, offering you a small smile.

“Okaaaay.” You’d just turned around to go back to the counter when you heard him call out for you again. You span on your heels, turning back around to face him.

“Do you work here everyday?” He peered over the top of the current comic book he was reading, brown eyes meeting yours. “I mean, I’ve been here every day this week and I feel like you’re on every shift.”

You sighed. “Got to make money somehow, huh? What about you? Don’t you have a job? Or do you just like spending all your time at a coffee shop doing nothing?”

“I save the world and stuff, no biggie.”

“Yeah, okay.”

With a laugh, thinking this man was crazy, you headed back to the counter. It was always the cute guys that ended up being a little weird. Unfortunate, really, because he was cute. The silver hair, the deep brown eyes – he had a unique look, one that you were sure had most people swooning. That included you. Too bad he seemed like he was crazy. Saving the world? Maybe in his little delusional brain.

A couple of weeks passed and he was in every day. You’d found out through another brief conversation with him again that his name was Peter. He always seemed willing to talk, like he was surprised that someone actually wanted to talk to him. In fact, he often struck up conversation with you as you worked. It was nice, actually. Maybe he was a weirdo but he seemed sweet. The only problem was that now you were starting to think about him when you were at home. As you’d sit on the couch watching your favourite show, you’d think about whether Peter would like it or not, making a note to ask him. Or finding new songs to share with him. You’d found out he was a big music fan – he’d even brought you a mixtape one day full of all his favourite artists. It had become your favourite thing to listen to.

As you walked into work one day, your heart sank when you noticed Peter wasn’t sat in usual seat. The day progressed and he still hadn’t shown up. Anxiety gripped you, your brain automatically thinking the worst. Something must have happened to him. Why else wasn’t he here? Unless he’d found somewhere else to occupy his time. The thought alone made your heart ache. Damnit, you’d really started to fall for this weirdo who sat in your coffee shop all day.

The sound of the TV in the corner drew your attention, a news piece about the latest disaster in town. Something about how the X-Men had saved the day. You were about to turn away when you saw that familiar head of silver hair on the TV donned in one of the infamous X-Men suits. You blinked, confusion etched all over your features until it dawned on you, his words from weeks ago echoing in your mind. 

I save the world and stuff, no biggie.

He really hadn’t been lying. All this time you’d thought he was just pulling your leg but turns out he really was out saving the world. He was part of the friggin’ X-Men. How hadn't you put that together? He must be a new addition to the team or you hadn’t been paying enough attention lately.

A gust of wind blew the door open and before you could even process it, Peter was stood in front of you, his hair a windswept mess as his gloved hands pulled the goggles over his eyes onto his head. “I’m so sorry I’m late. Was busy….”

“....saving the world and stuff?” You cut him off, a smile tugging at your lips. He grinned, pointing his finger at you jokingly. 

“Didn’t believe me, did ya? I’d never tell a lie to a pretty thing like yourself.”

“Shutup.”

“Ha! Made you blush. So, hey, you think you could get me a coffee? I’m pretty spent.”

His request took you off guard for a moment. He never requested a drink so it took a moment for your brain to process it. “Uh, yeah…”

“While you’re at it, take your break and have a coffee with me. I was going to ask you on a date today but with all of that stuff happening, didn’t really go as planned so… why not just make it happen now, huh?” He folded his arms across his chest, his lips upturned in a cocky grin. He was so damn confident that you were going to join him and… he was right.

You called to your co-worker that you were taking your break, throwing your apron off and into the back. A first date at your work place wasn’t ideal but nothing about Peter seemed normal anyway. In fact, it seemed perfect.

taglist: @marchsfreakshow @ldydeath @bohnerrific69 @evansroses @mistysconcilium @decaf-mother @lacucarachapisser @strawb3rrystar @honeymoon8 @urmomsg1rlfreind

[kingprinceleo]

How are your sonic’s spending this Christmas? Your Shadow’s ?

uwahhhh sorry im late on this, things got busy !

1000YB shadow is sad and alone and a loser and probably hanging out with an old picture of sonic. probably being an extra strong workaholic ( sonic is big chilling in the afterlife) silly holiday piece Cat made with peepaw HERE

Happy auau- the gang is probably hanging out together ! doing festive little stuff and watching movies n playing games ,, sonic being the king probably dressing up as santa, they tried to get shadow to dress up but he chaos evaporated the costume before they could finish talking. but he is wearing smth wintery but not costumey (ough these are 2 years old please pardon them they never got finished vvv) if its cold enough shadow will also have his winter fur fdhghjg

Fire n water au- Sonic would be spending christmas at the castle with his family but, during the main plot, hes probably learning about the meaning of friends and family over big extravagant castle parties. Tails probably tries his best to make or find something for sonic, sonic may be a bit silly and spend a lot of their small amount of money on something cool for tails, and have consequences after. Blaze is being very normal about spending her first christmas alone with recently deceased parents and her missing brother ! Shadow is big chilling on the ocean floor. might eat a whale later if hes feeling festive

Desert vampires- i dont think they have christmas </3

Vampire au- i have a bunch for this ough. ...

Sonics festive but not as festive as amy is ! he has to help her decorate the house from top to bottom every season, and she'll likely move the house into ice cap zone to maximize the vibes

otherwise i think sonic just hangs out, admiring the island, running around, seeing lights n stuff, leaving little mysterious gifts around for his friends

Shadow doesnt do much ! hell stand in the snow and stare at the horizon, rouge will drag him christmas shopping (for herself HDJHFG) , probably drag him to a couple christmas parties he doesnt want to be at . and they probably steal from Geralds supply bays for funsies

i think when theyre older things are mostly the same ! sonic will usually split off to go hang out with his friends (now including rouge and knuckles) and he may be away to go down to the mainland to visit others amy inflicted him with the itch to decorate though, its deeply wrong to him to see shadows apartment look all lifeless and sad, shadow will sometimes just Wake Up to the house being almost fully decorated (shadow doesnt even know where he was hiding all this shit before)

i think sonics been able to get shadow to stay for a christmas party a couple times ! but never for long or without him finding some kind of corner to lurk in away from everybody,,, i have a tiny fic wip about one of them ough . its too rough to post any part of it </33

i dont think they really have any kind of christmas traditions they do, every year could be something different. And for gift giving, i think sonic does the same with leaving gifts around the house to find, surprises for shadow. shadows very direct though, always asking upfront whether sonic wants certain things or not uwah i think theyre silly,,, hope . htis is an adequate enough response LOL

[pinep-ne]

in the spirit of the new year, how do you think the gang would have celebrated new year’s in Blackwater? Personally I think Sean got drunk as hell and tried to kiss every person in camp.

Oh god. Twice the drinking. Twice as wild. I definitely think Sean is the #1 instigator for every party, keeping up the energy the entirety of NYE (yes even in the morning). Asking around for resolutions and hopes and dreams and getting a little too physical as always. Which of course exhausted the gang hours before it even hit midnight. But still, they managed.

Arthur I feel is very fickle under the drink— his tipsy little soft spot especially coming out in the position of a new year. I think for most of it, he's 100% down, absolutely BELTING along with the rest of the gang, but as soon as he's away from it, and that bout of sobriety hits he just... sits there. Overcome with some sort of bittersweet melancholy, as he usually is. Despite this "sit and dissociate and think about the year" ritual, and much to his own gruffness, he's willingly sappy enough to round up a few members, if not all, at some point in the evening, to just talk about the times they've shared, and the more to come.

Charles has only been there for a couple months by then. He chooses to enjoy the party from afar, although much closer than his pretty much nonexistent presence at Sean's party. He's not one for superstitious behavior, maybe more sentimental, one of those times he feels he should just connect for the sake of it, even if it sounds a little silly. He tries not to linger too much on the emotional aspect, maybe just opting to wish for good luck this year and leave it at that.

It's not really a rant post from me without butting in the Charthur narrative. I think the very famous "Arthur tracks down Charles during a party to give him a beer and they start flirting awkwardly" trope is actually a rather habitual thing for them, and it'd definitely make sense for that little dance to start in Blackwater (it doesn't make sense but whatever you say). Arthur notices him lingering just enough to look a little intrigued to join. Strides over and demands he relish in the warmth of their little family (it's the middle of winter!), and the light of a new year.

Dutch, being the ringleader, starts the countdown. I think most joined in, even the particularly grumpy and tense members (Bill, for one). Maybe a few exceptions being Micah. And Micah. And maybe Hosea! But that's just because he's too busy having his heart-warmed, watching everyone get together, and thinking on how fast time has gone.

Correct me if I am wrong, please, but I believe fireworks were surprisingly available back then. Did 1800s folk shoot fireworks for new years? They do now I suppose. If not I'm sure their hootin' and hollerin' is loud enough to be a load of fireworks.

As tradition Arthur and John take turns every year to light the fireworks they scrounged up enough funds to get (steal). This one is Arthur's; he waves bye to Charles, and the old guard sets out a good bit away from camp for the entirety of it to view the show.

Anywho. Overall, I don't think they'd be too superstitious. Especially since an odd amount of traditions include a house, which I'm not sure they had in Blackwater. Mostly just a bunch of cheering till they feel like their manifesting and wishes and thanks for a great year have resonated all the way across the state.

[jrow]

2024: Year in Review

Thanks for the tag @calaisreno! Your review got me thinking a lot about my writing this year.

As my kids are getting older, I am having trouble finding free time for myself. Because of that, 2024 had much less writing than years prior. Reading fic too, for that matter, but I hope to start getting through my massive MFL list soon!

In total, I posted just over 41,000 words over 3 stories. But, the time limitations also forced me to write things differently and take on new challenges. When May came along, I was itching to write something, so decided to try to base a story around short bits built around @calaisreno's May prompts. It definitely scratched the itch and I managed to post something every day! The resulting story was Open Your Eyes (T, Words = 17,073 over 31 chapters). Although the story could absolutely use a good edit, I think it hangs together pretty well given how it was written. I absolutely loved writing Rosie in this one, although I admit my fave chapters are the Mycroft POVs.

I participated in FTH 2024 knowing that it would help "force" me to write. And, luckily, my top bidder (72reasons) gave me a prompt that forced me out of my comfort zone again. For the first time ever, I posted an alternative first meeting, although I didn't quite manage to take it entirely out of canon. That story is Meet Ugly (T, Words = 9,766 over 5 chapters) and I had a lot of fun writing it. I am most pleased by comments that people find parts funny, because I admit I worked at that!

And then it was back to my bread and butter for my second FTH fic. To be honest, the timing was perfect. After writing a couple of stories that deviated from my usual style, I was pretty eager to write a more traditional case fic. But, I knew time wasn't on my side and forced myself to try to keep the fic shorter than usual. My goal was 10k and it ended up at 14,522, which isn't so far off ;). That fic is The Red-Headed League (T, 5 chapters), my update on the ACD story. I tried to think of an alternative update to the title, but couldn't think of anything that had the same "feel". I really appreciate all the love this one is getting. I like it, but the shorter length did create some challenges. I like the case part and I like the Rosie/Fam b-plot, but I don't think they are well integrated as in my other case fics (ie., I don't think it would be that difficult to pull them apart into two stories). I think part of what makes ACD short stories so great is how much plot (and relationship dynamics) is in so few words. But, I suppose ACD never worried about getting our protagonists together and that is a 100% requirement for my stories!

I am not sure what I'll tackle next. I have a few partly finished AUs, but I seem to have trouble bringing those to fruition (the amount of research needed seems insurmountable at times). Who knows though!

This ended up being pretty long, especially considering I started this post by saying I didn't have much time to write ... my gratitude to anyone whose made it to the end 💖💖💖💖💖!

I'm a bit late with this so I won't tag, but invite any one else to share their thoughts on their writing this year. I love to read them!

2024: Year in Review

This year I posted 14 stories, fewer than any other year, but my word count still hovers around 300k, as it has for several years.

This was my first year writing for Fandom Trumps Hate. My story, written for the very generous and lovely @LHRinchelsea, was The Disappointed Optimist's Guide to Sharing a Flat with a Madman. It was so rewarding to participate that I plan to offer a story again this year.

My favorite story I've written this year is Déjà Vu, a closing chapter for the Off Axis series. I may write more for that series, but this one is a story that brought a lot of closure for our heroes and their friends.

My second favorite: This is Family, a fill-in story for The Final Problem (S4Ep3). I combined this into a series with People We Love, an aftermath story I wrote in 2023. "Solving" The Final Problem was a very satisfying endeavour.

I had great fun writing my first Harry-centric story in October, When Harry Met Mary.

I'm closing the year with a parallel story for When We Were Young. My Heart at Your Door will finish posting in January 2025.

This was my second year doing the May Prompts event. In 2023 there were only a few of us, but this past year, it took off in a big way. I think I was tagging over 30 people with the daily prompt! As always, it was a lot of fun. This year we had a number of people writing daily limericks, an activity that has continued for the rest of 2024, and I hope will still be going strong in 2025. Thank you @Friday411 for inspiring that!

My number one project for 2025 is The Secret of Agra, a fic that I've been writing since 2020. I've called it a White Whale, but it might be more of a Frankenstein. 😆 It is finally coming together, though, and I hope to post in 2025.

I don't have any other specific writing goals for 2025. I have quite a happy writing groove, and many WIP that I hope to complete.

I'd love to hear what you are planning for 2025, if you'd like to share! Tagging:

@keirgreeneyes @meetinginsamarra @totallysilvergirl @raina-at

@7-percent @lisbeth-kk @helloliriels @copperplatebeech

@discordantwords @chriscalledmesweetie @holmesianlove

@khorazir @jrow @thegildedbee @ghostofnuggetspast

And anyone I've forgotten!

[freyascoffee]

You always come to the party

College!Ellie Williams x reader

Summary: 3 months after your breakup, you and Ellie have been seeing each other around more recently. Do you think she deserves a second chance to prove her love?

Author's note: this is my first time writing one of these so bare with me :) Also posting this late because I've been meaning to write this for ages now

December 12th

The silence of entering your dormitory after boring lectures was probably the worst part of your day. You and Ellie broke up to 'focus on yourselves' yet it was hard to focus at all when the polaroid pictures of the two of you hang upon the golden fairylights above your desk. That stupid dinosaur keyring she won for you during your date at the arcade jingled every time you grabbed your keys. The guitar pick she accidentally left on your window sill collected dust; nonetheless, it was left untouched, as if waiting to be picked up again.

Everything reminded you of her. You procrastinated the decision of putting yourself out there because you didn't want anyone else. A distraction would be useful- hell- it was a need. The need to forget about that internal conflict and question what you did to deserve the sudden cold shoulder from Ellie. She was in the wrong. She chose to be dismissive of your feelings the few weeks before your breakup. It was nothing like the Ellie you knew, but you had to put yourself first.

Repetitive and monotonous cycles of talking stages chased you throughout the next 3 months. 'What's your favourite colour?' 'What's your favourite food?' The questions were so vague, only reminding you of the silly conspiracies you and Ellie made up during your smoking sessions, or when you gazed at the stars from a grassy hill close to the campus. The philosophical questions you'd debate just for shits and giggles overlapped the strangers' voices when they asked the generic 'what superpower would you want to have?'.

You only wondered if Ellie felt some sense of remorse for her neglect in the end, or if she was too busy hanging out with Dina, who seemed to cut contact with you after the breakup, and Jesse, who still reached out to you every couple weeks.

"Earth to Yn!" Jesse waved his hand in front of your face.

"Sorry, you were saying?" You asked, tilting your head to face him reluctantly.

"..The party" Jesse raised an eyebrow, implying that you should catch on what he was talking about, if you were listening.

"Absolutely not" You mirrored his raised eyebrow in a 'Are you serious' way.

"Come on, you'll meet some new people. Show yourself off a little, maybe make certain individuals jealous. " he nudged your elbow at the last word. He was completely aware of what happened between you and Ellie, having most definitely hearing both sides of the story.

A narrow glare from you, shot up at him before averting to your textbook, which looked brand new, despite owning it since the beginning of the school year. The spine wasn't even cracked, knowing Ellie, she would've begged you to let her crack it for you. "...I'll think about it"

"Don't give me that," he insisted, leaning forward as he covered the pages of your textbook with his hands. "How long has it been since you got a little drunk? A little cray-cray?"

"Euh, never say that again" you groaned, dropping your head into the palms of your sweating hands. "I might just never go to a party again out of spite"

"I'm just saying, you should go. I'll take you there and we'll will leave any time you feel like it" he pursed his lips into a thin line, mocking your dad's convincing expression.

"Is she gonna there?" You mumbled, gently pushing his hands away from the book and flicking through to the next page, a soft crackling sound cutting through the short silence between the two of you.

"Who?..ohh- nah, she said she'd rather stay in and judge people's instagram pics from the party" Jesse shrugged. "Dina will probably stay with her"

"Right" you rubbed your temples in circular motions, easing the aching sensation of your head.

"Do you want her to go?" He smirked, grabbing his phone from his brown leather jacket, a loud zip of his pocket cutting through the quiet library. "Because I can get that sort-"

"Shut up- I was just asking" you hushed, looking around awkwardly to ensure nobody was giving the judgemental look of disapproval.

"And I was just offering" Jesse was annoyingly quick with comebacks, and you were often reminded of that. "So, the partys December 18th, Margaret's beach house, there's gonna be food, drinks, music, you know, basic party stuff..and a pool"

"Anyone willing to swim in a pool in December?" You winced "..whatever- and what if the cops come because of complaints?" You added. A criminal record was not on your Christmas wishlist whatsoever.

"you were on the track team for a reason" he laughed, looking back up at you from his phone. "If anyone knows how to run away from problems, it's you"

"Was that seriously a secret diss? That's low, Jesse." You scoffed with a goofy smile, propping one leg up on your chair and fiddling with the chain of your locket.

December 16th

The party was only two days away and you had no idea what to wear, you thought as you stood in front of your wardrobe full of clothes. Point was, none of it was essentially party-worthy, basic tees and jeans were all you had since your sister decided she wanted her clothes back. In that case, she should consider that her Christmas gift.

You mindlessly walked through stores, looking for a simple dress, but a lot of the racks were stuffed with outfits that were rave-appropriate at most. You eventually left the mall, and decided to go to your favourite store, TJ Maxx, it had all anyone ever needed.

The glass doors slid open, and the faint echo of a 2010s pop song rang through the building. You made your way towards the dress section and you only found silver sequen dresses which went down to your ankles, so that's a no. You pulled your phone out from your pocket and opened Pinterest, typing 'Christmas party outfit simple'.

You scrolled for a moment before finding a cute top and skirt combination. TJ Maxx definitely had this. It was a skirt and a fitted sparkly long-sleeved top along with tights with patterns. After a couple laps through the aisles, you found everything you needed and made your way to the checkout.

As you exited the store, you were notified of 2 missed calls. Jesse. You audibly sighed and clicked the green telephone icon. It rung once before the other line immediately picked up. "Listen, oh my gosh, okay, so come to my dorm right now, we're trying to build a gingerbread house and I thought, who'd be better to help than Yn? Get your ass here right now"

You heard Ellie's voice in the background, talking, you weren't sure whether it was to Jesse or someone else but you weren't sure if you were ready to see her again. "Uhh..who's with you?" You asked, knowing the answer, but just seeking confirmation to emotionally prepare yourself.

"Ellie and Dina" his voice cut of between syllables. Probably just your data running low again, why did your renewal always have to be at the end of the month?

"Oh I'll try and-" you spoke, before the call ended. Shit. Now you're gonna have to go because it seems like you agreed. You weren't opposed to the idea of building gingerbread houses, but you were definitely against the inevitable tension you'd face when you got there.

After reaching your room, you dropped your shopping bag onto the bed and checked yourself out in the mirror. Fixing your eyebrows and reapplying vaseline onto your lips, winter dryness was the worst. You looked yourself up and down one more time before slipping on your sliders and taking the stairs of the flat down to Jesse's dorm.

You knock quietly, a swift and recognisable pattern you always made against the door of room 47. You heard Christmas music from the other side of the wall and chuckling as the sound of footsteps drew nearer. You twirl a lock of your hair awkwardly whilst waiting for someone to answer.

Oh.

"..hey" the freckled auburn mumbles between the cookie she looks like she just stuffed in her mouth.

"..hi" you smile awkwardly, not moving any closer towards the room, as if hesitating to even enter. You were already regretting coming at all, the sound of Dina's voice further in the room intimidated you.

"You coming in, or are you stopping by to sing Christmas carols?" Jesse called out from his seated position on the floor. "You're letting the warm air out"

"Right- sorry" you nodded once, slipping under Ellie's arm which was propped against the door frame. "So what did you need help with exactly? This looks fine"

"We needed a fourth contestant to make a poll on instagram, you know, see who's gingerbread house looks the best and all" he grinned "come on, it'll be fun"

You scratch the back of your neck awkwardly, realising Ellie already shut the door and sat beside Dina. "Okay okay" you reluctantly sit beside Jesse, crossing your legs and scanning the ingredients. "Shit, where'd you get all this?"

"My mom got it for us, she wanted us to keep the Christmas tradition while I'm away" Dina admitted. Her tone was calm and neutral, maybe that secret amnesty you thought she felt towards you was just overthinking. You nod slightly, a loud silence growing in the dorm. Only the music from Jesse's phone brang a sense of ease to the group of you.

"Let's get started, I'm starving" Ellie groans. "I like the outfit, by the way" she nods in acknowledgement in your direction.

What was supposed to be a subtle smile unfortunately turned into a wide grin, you quickly mask it with a light chuckle. "Thanks" you meet her gaze, it felt more genuine and nostalgic since the last time your eyes locked..months ago. You knew better than that, though.

The day was filled with laughter and 'remember when' stories. You and Ellie spoke frequently within the group, yet direct interactions between the two of you were strictly Ellie asking for you to pass the icing...and also a significant number of exchanged glances, and catching each other looking longingly at the other.

"..kay, mines done" Jesse announced, his country accent slipping slightly. "When are you losers gonna finish?"

You suppress a laugh, avoiding eyecontact with him. The house looked like a five year old made it. The icing was dripping on the sides, the windows were crumbling off, and the roof was asymmetrical. "Is that it?" Your voice trembles. He looks up at you with a confused expression, gesturing his hands at it. He picks it up, as if to pretend he's going to drop it on purpose.

"N-no it's nice..oh..it's so nice" your voice shook with hidden laughs. You look at Dina, who's covering her mouth with her hand, giving you a thousand yard stare. Ellie bursts out into laughter. "Isn't your dad an architect?" You ask, trying to distract yourself.

"What about it?" He frowned, also seemingly holding back a smile. He placed the gingerbread house down on the floor again, the sweet roof collapsed inwards as he did. "..yeah okay."

"It's fantastic, babe" Dina mumbled, tears swelling in her eyes from laughter. "..so beautiful I could cry.." a muffled chuckle escapes from her lips.

"Oh okay I see how it is" Jesse rolls his eyes, taking a piece of the roof and shoving it into his mouth. It made his mouth look rectangular which only brought another round of giggles.

December 18th

Red Solo cups were scattered across the wooden crates and sands. The flickering of strobe lights painted the trees and fences of the backyard with splashes of color. You lost Jesse in the large groups of people and chose to make the most of it. You were drunk, you didn't know anyone, nor did you have to, just make the most of it.

Strangers you danced with flashed into fragments of a familiar girl's face, the fast rhythm of the bass guiding your heart to race along with it. The ginger girl you laughed with as you jumped to the music momentarily twitched into an image of a short-haired auburn, before morphing back into her usual state. The rays of lights illuminated a plaid pattern on her jacket, imitating a recognizable flannel.

"Cannon ball!" A guy, pretty sure his name was Tyler, jumped into the freezing pool. A group of students around you cheered and pushed past you, causing you to accidentally tug along with them before finding your balance. Dropping cans and sliding their shoves off, they sprinted into the water, are they stupid? You slowly made your way to sit on a nearby decorative rock, and watched them in their pre-hypothermic states.

Your gaze shifted to the group of girls singing along to a Shakira song by the campfire. They swayed their hips and lifted their green bottles of booze, followed by a loud cheer for a girl taking chugs from her drink. She then threw the bottle to the side and squealed, good for her.

A cold sensation splashed against your face. You looked up, alarmed, only to see some jock shaking his wet hair like a dog, that was completely unnecessary. Although, it had minimally sobered you up, you stood up and instinctively reached to adjust your locket, it was a habit of yours to awkwardly play with your necklace.

...Where was your necklace? That familiar weight of your golden locket was missing. Your fingers fumbled at the fabric of your jacket, to your hair, to your shoes. It had felt like time slowed down, just for a split second. Your gaze flickered around the rock you were sitting on. The locket was something precious to you. You couldn't lose it, not like this.

You heart raced as panic set in. You had to find Jesse. You frantically pushed through the crowd, trying to stay calm, you were always a collected person but this was unknown. You didn't know where to begin looking, he could be anywhere, the lake was packed. People blended together like blurry smears, faces lost in your clouded vision of alcohol.

"Woah there, you okay?" Your breath hitched, looking up at the familiar voice. It was Ellie. This was a bad time. You were too panicked to let her see you like this. Her and that dark green winter coat. You weren't ready to talk to her.

"Have you seen Jesse anywhere?" You said, just loud enough for Ellie to understand your words above the booming sounds from the speakers. "Is he still here?"

"What wrong?" She asked softly. She gently placed her subtly calloused hands on your forearms to stop you from anxiously fidgeting. You averted your gaze to Dina, who was sipping juice from a silly straw.

"Nothing- I just need to find him, okay?" You hissed. Flickering your gaze back to her, a pleading glimmer in your eyes.

She nodded at Dina before guiding you inside the building. The music was muffled, or at least less painful to listen to. She occasionally looked back at you to ensure you were still following her in the busy hallway.

Jesse was sat on the sofa, laughing with a group of unfamiliar faces. As soon as he noticed the two of you, he stood up and approached you. "You alright?"

"No you are all left" a guy from behind you chuckled, placing hands on yours and Ellies shoulders and peeking between your heads.

"Dude, get outta here" Jesse sighed, pushing him away by his forehead. "You okay?"

"This is really inconvenient, I know, but I-I lost my locket and I can't find it, can you help me? Please?" You bit your bottom lip anxiously, awaiting a response.

"Okay..take a deep breath" he inhaled deeply, gesturing you to mirror him "..and out..is this the locket you always wear? The little gold heart, right?" He smiled reassuringly. You nodded quickly.

"Listen, it's nice n chill in here, look, you can stay right here until I'm back, and I promise we'll find it. You don't leave until I come back because we both know how that's gonna end. If you feel sick, just go to the sink, it's right behind you, alright?" He patted your back. Your gaze followed him until he reached a pair of girls, fuck drunk vision.

It felt like ages had passed, your dizziness had thankfully faded, but the pit in your stomach suggested you weren't going to find that locket. Ellie and Dina walked past you, giving small sympathetic smiles as they went down the hallway and to the front porch. Ellie's clothes were drenched and a scent of chlorine followed behind her.

You closed your eyes for a moment, fiddling with the hem of your top, praying that Jesse would return soon. Your locket dangled in front of your dazed expression. You looked up at the raven-haired male. "Thank you so much." You stood up and hugged him tightly. You pulled away and took hold of the locket, clipping it back around your neck. The locket was cold, and droplets of water trickled along your collarbone from the chain.

"Come on, let's get you back" Jesse mumbled, wrapping an arm around your shoulder to support your swaying legs. He guided you to his jeep.

December 19th

You extended your legs as far as you could in the comfort of your warm, morning mattress. Memories from last night flashing through your mind, remembering how pretty Ellie looked. The freezing feeling of the locket around you. The slight shivering of Ellie's lips when she smiled at you last night. Dots slowly connected in your exhausted brain and a sudden realisation hit you like a brick.

Ellie was the one that found your locket. The moment you saw Jesse speak to two girls, was the imaginary picture comparison of the colours they were wearing. Although you couldn't depict their faces, one was wearing all black, and the other was wearing dark green and dark blue; this matched Dina and Ellie' outfits from your previous interaction.

Ellie's hair and jeans were drenched from what you could remember when she was leaving. Her coat was dry, she must have taken it off, implying she looked in the pool. Plus, the necklace was wet when Jesse gave it back to you. Stop it, you're spiralling and overthinking it. You could only ask Ellie to find out the truth.

So there you were, standing in front of room 51, with a warm smile and handful of questions, knowing your signature pattern. Why were you doing this? You and Ellie were over. She stopped caring in the end. It was too late to turn back when the door had creaked open, revealing a pale Ellie with a weighted blanket draped over her shoulders.

"...this looks like a bad time. I can come back la-" you reassured awkwardly, stammering over your words as your gaze struggled to hold hers. She just stood there, intently watching you.

"Shut up, it's fine, come in" she cut you off. She opened the door wider, exposing the messy dormitory, and softly lit salt lamp which brightened the dark room. "Make yourself comfortable"

How was she being so casual right now? Was it casual? Were the feelings one-sided now? Stop analysing, just talk. "..hey..so..I figured maybe.. we could talk?...if I knew you were sick, I wouldn'tve bothered you"

"What do you wanna talk about?" She dropped onto the bed, resting her head against the bedframe to face you. "This isn't about the gingerbread house dm right? Because that was Dina, she took my phone when I was in the bathroom"

"I didn't see it..I came to ask about.. everything that happened..before.. and stuff " you pursed your lips to the side, twisting the golden chain which rested on your neck.

"..right right.." she nodded "I've been meaning to reach out and all, I was gonna talk to you last night" she scratched her lip "then I saw you super panicked and drunk so I..didn't"

"And between the 3 months of not talking either?" You raised an eyebrow, provoking her to continue.

"Listen, ever since we got together, you were so kind..and funny and cool. It made me so..afraid of losing that. It was selfish, I know. I just didn't want you to go, not like everyone else in my life, not you" she admitted "..that day..when we argued, like- for real argued- I hated every second of it. I hated facing the consequences of my own actions. I still hate that I was stupid enough to leave you like that"

Your eyes were wide in surprise. "...and you didn't think to try and tell me?" You were being reasonably confused, communication is key to a relationship.

"I felt too guilty, I didn't want to make you feel obliged to stay with me out of pity" her hand trembled subtly as it lay on her lap. She leaned her head on your shoulder.

"It still made me feel guilty" you murmur, resting your head on hers.

"I know, and I'm so sorry for that. Uhh...I- I'll do whatever you ask me to, just to prove my remorse. I'll post something really embarrassing if you really want me to." She muttered, lifting her head from your shoulder to look at you. "I'd do anything"

"..are you sick?" You asked, scanning her face. You noticed the darker circles under her eyes, and the box of painkillers on her bedside table. "Did you go in the pool, you idiot?"

"Hey-hey now- I was actually in the pool for you, idiot" she mocked your insult. "Your locket was at the bottom for whatever reason...so..yeah"

"What did you get fucking hypothermia looking for my stupid necklace? Are you serious?" Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion, but the smile on your face couldn't be restrained. "You're kidding"

"Does the medicine receipt on my desk look like a joke to you?" She grinned "it was no big deal, it was whatever"

"Not to me it wasn't. You found my locket. How'd you even know it would be there?" You let out a half-laugh.

"Guessed" she shrugged with a stoic tone, but the glimmer in her eyes said otherwise. "Well I guess I kinda saw it glowing under the lights in the pool. This is gonna sound corny as hell, but that locket kinda made me realise how much I needed to fix...so I I'll say it again, I'm really sorry."

"I forgive you, I do, just please promise that if you ever have a problem like that again, you talk to me. You're my best friend and I don't want to lose that." You stutter "you have a lot to make up for, you know" you smile softly.

"Can I start my redemption now?" Her smirk deepens, those green eyes meeting yours again. "Just a small head start?" You let out a deep breath and nod, eyes flickering down to her lips before returning to her eyes.

You adjusted slightly to face her. She leaned closer. Her lips brushed against yours, ghosting a soft kiss. She pulled away slightly, your stupid smiles mirroring each other's. "Chat is this rizz?" You mumbled shyly, a pink hue tinting your cheeks.

[elainsgirl]

the petty side of me laughs at how poorly all these gwynriel comms and posts are going to age. they repeatedly talk about gwyn and azriel being mates as if it’s canon, despite zero definitive proof and more proof to the contrary, and it’s hard not to feel secondhand embarrassment for them.

at least most elriels will preface their art and posts with “this is what i think will happen because of XYZ” or “this is my favorite theory” or even outright say it’s a crack theory; meanwhile gwynriels are out here with their whole chest saying “they are MATES and i can’t wait for them to find out that they’re MATES and nothing is more important than the fact that they are FOR SURE MATES and this is CANON because SPARK”

they are setting themselves up for failure at this point and it is going to make looking back at their old comms and posts physically painful tbh.

i guess it doesn’t help they don’t have any actual canon to go off of, whereas we do and can create from that. it would make me feel bad for them if they weren’t so toxic and rude about it

anyways, thanks for listening to my rant, happy elriel announcement year!!

Hey anon 🫶

Honestly, I think they’re just going to go on a huge mass delete and erase everything they’ve said about elucien/gwynriel. It depends on how serious they take the shipwars - I know some act as though it’ll affect their actual life whilst others do not care. Idk about comms, there’s beautiful art of both elucien/gwynriel however their theories/opinion posts? Yh. Does will not age well and give second hand embarrassment. I can imagine them rereading all posts wondering where they went wrong lmfao.

The obsession w mates its so…weird? Can’t just be me who feels this way. At this point - its not even about love or true soulmates. It’s a hostage situation especially in Elucien’s case.

I think the funniest thing about antis claiming gwynriels are mates - is that simple logic, Sjms patterns and literally acosf disprove this so easily. Yet they hold onto that spark and over exaggerate it to be something it isn’t. Which in the end will backfire when it’s proven sparks ≠ mates in every case.

Yeah see, when you’re working with 0 canon or very little of it - you don’t have an outline to work with. Anything goes which is why 1) you have so many different versions of elucien/gwynriel and how their stories will go 2) thats now how canon ships work. Authors who hint at a couple a book or two prior to them being canon will always leave an outline (don’t know the technical author word for it) so you know how this couple will turn out to be.

Like - elriel is the same dynamic and have the same theories or direction of the story no matter who the elriel stan is or which platform they’re on and that’s because elriel has an outline within the book. You know how they’ll turn out to be - Elriel is just consistent whereas with the other two - you have different versions of the ships heading into different directions.

At this point, Im just waiting for the announcement and the fandoms reaction after bcs I know the announcement wont end the shipwar but instead antis will change their tune and I want to see how far they’ll go to basically backtrack what they’ve believed and said for years.

Anytime anon 💕

Happy Elriel announcement year ✨🤞

[oh-gh0st]

hiii i come bearing more art ^_^

mostly shadowpeach and mk, then mk with an oc in the last one